Attitude of Gratitude - That's what the bumper sticker said. It must have been twenty or more years ago when I first saw that sticker affixed to someone's vehicle. More than likely I was otherwise occupied. I was probably fretting about the commute from Amherst to Springfield and covering that distance without running into the Po Po, the Five-O, the Pigs, the Man or whatever libelous slur one can affix to describe my nemesis at the time. I was carrying precious cargo and needed to get back home unfettered so I could weigh and repackage the product, and quickly distribute it so I could sit down and enjoy my cut of the contraband in the peace and serenity of my living room, without having to look over my shoulder, with no one pointing their finger at me or judging me. Well ... there was one person who was doing that, my loving wife who finally decided enough was enough and cut me loose years later. She was no Saint in the relationship, that is for sure. But then again neither was I.
It is surprising that I noticed the bumper sticker at all, never mind what it said, considering the vast and extensive check list which was undoubtedly running through my head, at the time. The paranoid, and drug fueled fears, coupled with the very REAL fear of getting caught. Being the addict that I eventually found out that I was, my desire to use superseded any rational and lawful behavior that I was expected to exhibit, especially when it came to dealing with the ways and means and lengths I engaged in to do so. It would be years before the progression would set in and bring me to my knees.
This progression is a simple mathematical formula to which you must insert your own variables, because no two equations are the same. This formula is, however, very simple. - If you are an Addict/Alcoholic and you continue to use, things will eventually get worse.
If you are lucky you will not die. If you are lucky, you may end up in jail. If you are lucky you may end up institutionalized in a rehab, a detox, a long term residential program or a half way house. If you are very lucky you will end up in the rooms of 12-Step fellowship when someone just like you with a little more experience than you when it comes to staying clean and sober will take you under their wing and teach you a new way to live. Just like someone had taught them, and you will teach someone else one day. But you have to want it and you have to ask for help. There is actually a little bit of work involved.
If you are the luckiest person on the planet, you can just stop drinking and drugging one day, live your life to the fullest and actually come out on the other end a reasonably healthy and well adjusted individual. That doesn't happen to very many people. I personally know of two. More power to them.
It is in these rooms of recovery that I began to understand what an attitude of gratitude is and what that bumper sticker I had read so many years ago truly means.
Today I am grateful. I have had a few bumpy months with a lot of ups and some downs, recently, but I remain grateful.
As 2010 rapidly comes to a close I have begun to reflect on the year and what my experiences have been. I was going through some personal stuff a few days ago, I have been burning the candle at both ends and my meeting attendance has been down. Although I'm still involved and keeping centered in my recovery. Old behaviors still emerge. Fortunately today I have some tools to combat such dreadful times when my diseased brain starts telling me doing such and such with so and so, might be a good idea. One of those tools is calling my sponsor who suggested I write a gratitude list. So I did just that.
I am grateful to be alive. It can't get much simpler than that. There were times where my using put me very close to death on a regular basis. Though overdoses, blackouts while driving, nodding out while driving, walking into strange buildings in the middle of the night because, someone told me Pito on the second floor has got some good shit. I am amazed I didn't meet an early demise.
I am grateful for my loving family who stood by me no matter what, one of the grateful attitudes I strive to demonstrate every day. I will not pick up no matter what.
I am grateful for an ex-wife who understands and supports my struggle and is a good mother to my daughter.
I am grateful for my daughter who is funny, gregarious, talented, emphatic, honest, loyal and a damn good song writer. I hope she sticks with music. She has a natural talent people practice for years to discover.
I am grateful for my experiences on the road with the Grateful Dead and Phish and all of the other live music I have had the honor to have witnessed. It was during these experiences that I learned to self medicate taking recreational drug use to the new level of "lifestyle choice." A lifestyle I had to experience to take me to the next level of my addiction.
I am grateful for the writers I have read extensively over the course of the years. Writers like Hemingway, William Burroughs, Hunter S. Thompson, Tom Wolfe, Ken Kesey, Stephen King and Charles Bukowski. Writers who painted a romantic picture of drug use, drunks, junkies and hustlers. They painted a panoramic landscape where their shortfalls and hindrances were fodder for their craft. They described idyllic bohemian spaces where they could hide in the shadows where they could do their thing artistically fueled by the liquids, pills and powders and crystals which enabled them to repeatedly leave it all on the field before they had the opportunity to come back and do it again. Some had better results than others. Hemingway and Hunter Thomson took the easy way out ... if putting a gun in your mouth can be considered - easy.
The erroneous notions I concocted regarding the relationship between drugs and art and how drugs facilitate the artistic process were validated as I devoured the works of these guys. Delusional adoration of these writers allowed me to spiral downward as quickly I did when stronger and more addictive drugs became part of my daily regimen. Their well documented exploits gave me the license to do what I did and increased the rate at which my disease progressed causing me to find the desperation and willingness to change my life.
I am grateful for the gifts I have been given. My artistic abilities come natural to me. Through art and music and writing, I have been able to express myself in ways that I had never imagined.
Through the flame working, I have found a niche through the Continuum Memorial Glass series. This series involves me putting cremated remains into art glass marbles and pendants. I am making permanent heirloom quality pieces of art with which you can memorialize and celebrate the lives your loved ones. It wasn't until a few days ago when I had the opportunity to make one of these pieces with the ashes of someone I actually knew who died the previous week. I got incredibly emotional during the process. It hit me as to how very special it is having the opportunity ability and willingness to do what I am doing. How my work can affect the family members who are left behind. This truly is a gift. With perseverance, and a little marketing, art and music could easily turn into that one way ticket out of the production kitchen which I have been looking for. The funny thing is, I kind of fell into it when a friend of mine had the most odd request for his brother's ashes. Without advertising and through word of mouth, it is starting to happen. 2011 will be the year to see what will happen if I do advertise and market these gifts.
I am grateful for all of the people I have met along the way who have helped me in my recovery.
I am grateful in so many different ways that I could go on much longer. But it is Christmas Eve, I worked a very long day already making way too much food for way too many people. It is time that I wrap this up so I can go and enjoy some time with my family.
2010 was a very interesting year indeed. I found out a lot about myself. I found out a few things that I do want. I found out that I am really a lot more driven than I had previously thought. My entrepreneurial spirit, although dormant if not suppressed for a few years is bubbling back to the surface. I am aching to climb to the top of the highest mountain and shout to the world that I am ready and I am willing. I want to sing with all my heart and no fear. I want to tell the world I am the person you have been looking for all of your life. I will make a difference. I will follow through. I will be everything I ever wanted to be. There is nothing stopping me.
With all my love, hope in my heart and an attitude of gratitude, I find myself once again ...
Running Hard out of Muskrat Flats.
Merry Christmas.
Pablo
Friday, December 24, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Sitting Here In Limbo, Waiting for the Dice To Roll Part II ...The Reality TV Version
It has been a very busy summer in Muskrat Flats. So busy, that I am chagrined to see that I have not posted any thing since Valentine's day.
It has been a while since I have been to Muskrat Flats, so long that the Town Meeting decided to re-route traffic to the downtown area to encourage more shopping and pedestrian traffic along Petersen Street. One would think that a benevolent organization such as the Odd Fellows would have more pull with the Town Meeting folk, and yes there was some resistance, but the 90 day trial run of having Petersen Street run one way in a westerly direction beginning at the intersection of McKernan Street is in effect.
This means that the club members are now forced to drive an extra couple of blocks to catch Petersen at Firglade, in order to turn left into their parking lot where in the past they simply had to turn right at the intersection. Minor details. Some members actually support the change.
Moe Eckstein and Sid Bartleby however - not so much. They had a nice session kvetching about the change. They do hold the principles of Friendship Love and Truth near and dear to their hearts, but let's face it, they are old and need something to bitch about and this time it was finding resistance to their proposition that a "curb cut" be allowed on McKernan Street to allow for direct access to the Odd Fellow's parking lot. For some reason, these days it is easier to get a liquor license in Muskrat Flats than it is to get the Town Meeting and the DPW to agree to a new curb cut.
Moe and Sid sat at their usual table under the gilded framed portrait of Sheriff Hawthorne. Moe was eyeballing the Jack-a-lope which had recently been returned to them by the taxidermist.
Moe really didn't like the taxidermy guy. He felt bad for this guy's neighbors. His front lawn was decorated as if it were a summer rental cottage at Cape Cod, rife with seashore kitsch. His lawn - wasn't even a lawn. It was littered with driftwood, mounted fish and wooden lobster pots, much more of an eyesore than appropriate lawn ornaments, in Moe's opinion.
The landscape was void of any greenery other than a few scrub bushes, perhaps they were ill looking arborvitaes which had od'd on the calcium from the sun bleached broken oyster shells lining his walkway and scattered through out the yard.
The inside of the house was equally creepy. The interior very much resembled the motif of the front yard. Displayed prominently in a glass hutch were scrimshaw etched walrus tusks and whale's teeth. The walls were adorned with muzzle loading pistols, more mounted fish and dusty paint by numbers quality portraits of canvas masted tall ships perched atop white capped waves in a turbulent blackened ocean set below a foreboding gray and stormy sky. The house was a very dark and morbid place. All except for the living room.
There, Moe walked into an equally alarming display of multicolored pastel miniature ceramic kittens. There were thousands of them in various poses displayed on lemon oil polished furniture lined with lace doilies from Brugge, in Belgium. The kittens were on the mantle piece, window frames, inside shadow boxes. They adorned any flat surface in the room.
The entire time Moe was dealing with Sam the Taxidermy Man, his wife, Mimi, the curator of the manic ceramic kitten circus, was fixated on the computer screen, seemingly in a bidding war for more feline figurines on eBay. Moe thought he heard a muffled curse escape from her lips as she was outbid in one auction she was following.
He couldn't get out of that place soon enough. Standing in the house, he felt his spirit begin to decay and atrophy. Moe was startled as Mimi actually spoke to him as he was leaving. Without peeling her eyes away from the screen, she spoke, handing Moe a sheet of paper the printer had just spit out.
"Jack-a-lopes are a dime a dozen on eBay, cheaper than he's charging you ..."
"Jesus, MIMI!!" Sam barked.
Moe became invisible as they began to banter back and forth. He deftly slunk out of the house hearing the ensuing ruckus fade away as he made his way to the car and escaped, thinking to himself,
"I can't even imagine what the fuck they have tied up in their basement. But I'm sure it's something and it ain't right."
As Moe and Sid sat under the painting of Sheriff Hawthorne, Gomer- Moe's son, was whooping it up a few tables away with the kitchen workers Paulie and Donnie. They were watching the video of the botched re-enactment of Sheriff Hawthorne's hanging. Gomer was playing the part of Sheriff Hawthorne at the Silver Days celebration a few years ago, when the Hanging went horribly wrong. It didn't go as wrong as it could have considering he was still sitting here in the warmth of the wood paneled banquet room at the Odd Fellows Hall.
Another nonsensical conversation started to brew between Paulie and Donnie. This conversation would end up taking all day if not weeks or months. Gomer wondered who was going to throw the monkey wrench into the giddy repartee which would launch this conversation to the level of being revisited time and time again?
"What do you call those guys ... the one's in Tibet that guide you up the mountain?" Donnie asked.
"Are you talking about Sherpas?" Paul responded.
"Yeah, that's it, like in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Those dudes are bad ass! Imagine doing that every day? It so dangerous."
"There are more dangerous things out there," Paulie shot back. Gomer began to grin, he could feel it coming.
"What do you think is a more dangerous sport than Mountain climbing in Tibet?" Donnie asked.
Paulie stroked his goatee for a moment and replied,
"How about swimming from Florida to Cuba?" Gomer laughed.
"Who the fuck would want to swim from Florida to Cuba? Don't you mean the other way around, Cuba to Florida?"
"Whatever ... it's still dangerous." Paulie asserted.
"How is it more dangerous than climbing say, Mount Everest?"
"Well, you could drown ..."
"You could fall off the Mountain ..." Donnie shot back.
"You could get a really bad sunburn ... "
"You could freeze to death!"
"You get get stung by a bunch of jelly fish or eaten by a shark..." Paulie replied.
Donnie had that look in his eye,
"You could get sodomized by a Yeti!"
What!? You fucking moron, who gets sodomized by a Yeti?! Nobody!"
"How do you know? You could. You don't see very many Yeti which probably means there aren't very many female yeti for procreation purposes.."
"First of all, animals mate, God fearing humans procreate. There aren't any fucking yetis that are going to sodomize you."
"Yeti ... It is pluralized Yeti." Donnie continued, "Well, like I just said there probably aren't very many female YETI so the male Yeti are probably really horny, looking for nice warm young white boy like you ..."
Gomer was beside himself. All of the sudden he heard Sid shout out for them to take it in the kitchen. They left Gomer at his table as they were bickering and slapping at each other on their way to the kitchen. On they way Donnie dropped his apron and bent over to pick it up. When he did, Paul reached between his legs, grabbed his balls, and in a cartoon voice said,
"YETI" Donnie shrieked and began laughing, he said,
"I can't believe you did that, you fucking homo ..." And they disappeared into the back.
Gomer just sat there, staring at his computer screen, shaking his head. His phone chimed, he looked at the screen.
"Miranda Klein Text"
He slid his thumb across the screen to open the message. It was a picture taken in a slightly fogged bathroom mirror of Miranda nude. Gomer smiled and read the text.
"in SF It is 56 degrees and Foggy. I steamed up the mirror just thinking about you, lover."
Gomer giggled. Nobody noticed ... but it was a text giggle, nonetheless. He was so lucky to be experiencing one of life's simplest pleasures ... That feeling - knowing that somewhere out there, someone cares enough about you to let you know they are thinking about you.
A new way of communicating, and flirting, and falling in love.
He had felt the same way in the past without the modern technology. Just passing notes in school, or opening a love letter in College. He started to answer the text thinking about how very lucky he is.
He remembered how he felt that day after Valentine's Day, when Miranda met him in Mountain View. Her electrifying kisses, the warmth of her touch. The pressure of her hand holding his. He longed for her touch right now. But it didn't matter. she was thinking about him.
He hit the send button on the glowing screen of his iPhone.
Somewhere in San Francisco, in the bathroom of a renovated three floor Victorian house somewhere between Mission and Guerrero, a cell phone chimed -
followed by a giggle.
;0)
This one didn't turn out the way I had thought or intended. Sometimes I think my writing, and by that I mean my style and how it flows out of my mind is more of a curse than a gift. It is a gift I will continue to accept, because sometimes you and by you I really mean me, just don't know how things are going to turn out - especially when you (see above) are absolutely sure they will turn out in your favor. Still not a good enough reason to be ...
Running Hard Out of Muskrat Flats.
Go in Peace!
It has been a while since I have been to Muskrat Flats, so long that the Town Meeting decided to re-route traffic to the downtown area to encourage more shopping and pedestrian traffic along Petersen Street. One would think that a benevolent organization such as the Odd Fellows would have more pull with the Town Meeting folk, and yes there was some resistance, but the 90 day trial run of having Petersen Street run one way in a westerly direction beginning at the intersection of McKernan Street is in effect.
This means that the club members are now forced to drive an extra couple of blocks to catch Petersen at Firglade, in order to turn left into their parking lot where in the past they simply had to turn right at the intersection. Minor details. Some members actually support the change.
Moe Eckstein and Sid Bartleby however - not so much. They had a nice session kvetching about the change. They do hold the principles of Friendship Love and Truth near and dear to their hearts, but let's face it, they are old and need something to bitch about and this time it was finding resistance to their proposition that a "curb cut" be allowed on McKernan Street to allow for direct access to the Odd Fellow's parking lot. For some reason, these days it is easier to get a liquor license in Muskrat Flats than it is to get the Town Meeting and the DPW to agree to a new curb cut.
Moe and Sid sat at their usual table under the gilded framed portrait of Sheriff Hawthorne. Moe was eyeballing the Jack-a-lope which had recently been returned to them by the taxidermist.
Moe really didn't like the taxidermy guy. He felt bad for this guy's neighbors. His front lawn was decorated as if it were a summer rental cottage at Cape Cod, rife with seashore kitsch. His lawn - wasn't even a lawn. It was littered with driftwood, mounted fish and wooden lobster pots, much more of an eyesore than appropriate lawn ornaments, in Moe's opinion.
The landscape was void of any greenery other than a few scrub bushes, perhaps they were ill looking arborvitaes which had od'd on the calcium from the sun bleached broken oyster shells lining his walkway and scattered through out the yard.
The inside of the house was equally creepy. The interior very much resembled the motif of the front yard. Displayed prominently in a glass hutch were scrimshaw etched walrus tusks and whale's teeth. The walls were adorned with muzzle loading pistols, more mounted fish and dusty paint by numbers quality portraits of canvas masted tall ships perched atop white capped waves in a turbulent blackened ocean set below a foreboding gray and stormy sky. The house was a very dark and morbid place. All except for the living room.
There, Moe walked into an equally alarming display of multicolored pastel miniature ceramic kittens. There were thousands of them in various poses displayed on lemon oil polished furniture lined with lace doilies from Brugge, in Belgium. The kittens were on the mantle piece, window frames, inside shadow boxes. They adorned any flat surface in the room.
The entire time Moe was dealing with Sam the Taxidermy Man, his wife, Mimi, the curator of the manic ceramic kitten circus, was fixated on the computer screen, seemingly in a bidding war for more feline figurines on eBay. Moe thought he heard a muffled curse escape from her lips as she was outbid in one auction she was following.
He couldn't get out of that place soon enough. Standing in the house, he felt his spirit begin to decay and atrophy. Moe was startled as Mimi actually spoke to him as he was leaving. Without peeling her eyes away from the screen, she spoke, handing Moe a sheet of paper the printer had just spit out.
"Jack-a-lopes are a dime a dozen on eBay, cheaper than he's charging you ..."
"Jesus, MIMI!!" Sam barked.
Moe became invisible as they began to banter back and forth. He deftly slunk out of the house hearing the ensuing ruckus fade away as he made his way to the car and escaped, thinking to himself,
"I can't even imagine what the fuck they have tied up in their basement. But I'm sure it's something and it ain't right."
As Moe and Sid sat under the painting of Sheriff Hawthorne, Gomer- Moe's son, was whooping it up a few tables away with the kitchen workers Paulie and Donnie. They were watching the video of the botched re-enactment of Sheriff Hawthorne's hanging. Gomer was playing the part of Sheriff Hawthorne at the Silver Days celebration a few years ago, when the Hanging went horribly wrong. It didn't go as wrong as it could have considering he was still sitting here in the warmth of the wood paneled banquet room at the Odd Fellows Hall.
Another nonsensical conversation started to brew between Paulie and Donnie. This conversation would end up taking all day if not weeks or months. Gomer wondered who was going to throw the monkey wrench into the giddy repartee which would launch this conversation to the level of being revisited time and time again?
"What do you call those guys ... the one's in Tibet that guide you up the mountain?" Donnie asked.
"Are you talking about Sherpas?" Paul responded.
"Yeah, that's it, like in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Those dudes are bad ass! Imagine doing that every day? It so dangerous."
"There are more dangerous things out there," Paulie shot back. Gomer began to grin, he could feel it coming.
"What do you think is a more dangerous sport than Mountain climbing in Tibet?" Donnie asked.
Paulie stroked his goatee for a moment and replied,
"How about swimming from Florida to Cuba?" Gomer laughed.
"Who the fuck would want to swim from Florida to Cuba? Don't you mean the other way around, Cuba to Florida?"
"Whatever ... it's still dangerous." Paulie asserted.
"How is it more dangerous than climbing say, Mount Everest?"
"Well, you could drown ..."
"You could fall off the Mountain ..." Donnie shot back.
"You could get a really bad sunburn ... "
"You could freeze to death!"
"You get get stung by a bunch of jelly fish or eaten by a shark..." Paulie replied.
Donnie had that look in his eye,
"You could get sodomized by a Yeti!"
What!? You fucking moron, who gets sodomized by a Yeti?! Nobody!"
"How do you know? You could. You don't see very many Yeti which probably means there aren't very many female yeti for procreation purposes.."
"First of all, animals mate, God fearing humans procreate. There aren't any fucking yetis that are going to sodomize you."
"Yeti ... It is pluralized Yeti." Donnie continued, "Well, like I just said there probably aren't very many female YETI so the male Yeti are probably really horny, looking for nice warm young white boy like you ..."
Gomer was beside himself. All of the sudden he heard Sid shout out for them to take it in the kitchen. They left Gomer at his table as they were bickering and slapping at each other on their way to the kitchen. On they way Donnie dropped his apron and bent over to pick it up. When he did, Paul reached between his legs, grabbed his balls, and in a cartoon voice said,
"YETI" Donnie shrieked and began laughing, he said,
"I can't believe you did that, you fucking homo ..." And they disappeared into the back.
Gomer just sat there, staring at his computer screen, shaking his head. His phone chimed, he looked at the screen.
"Miranda Klein Text"
He slid his thumb across the screen to open the message. It was a picture taken in a slightly fogged bathroom mirror of Miranda nude. Gomer smiled and read the text.
"in SF It is 56 degrees and Foggy. I steamed up the mirror just thinking about you, lover."
Gomer giggled. Nobody noticed ... but it was a text giggle, nonetheless. He was so lucky to be experiencing one of life's simplest pleasures ... That feeling - knowing that somewhere out there, someone cares enough about you to let you know they are thinking about you.
A new way of communicating, and flirting, and falling in love.
He had felt the same way in the past without the modern technology. Just passing notes in school, or opening a love letter in College. He started to answer the text thinking about how very lucky he is.
He remembered how he felt that day after Valentine's Day, when Miranda met him in Mountain View. Her electrifying kisses, the warmth of her touch. The pressure of her hand holding his. He longed for her touch right now. But it didn't matter. she was thinking about him.
He hit the send button on the glowing screen of his iPhone.
Somewhere in San Francisco, in the bathroom of a renovated three floor Victorian house somewhere between Mission and Guerrero, a cell phone chimed -
followed by a giggle.
;0)
This one didn't turn out the way I had thought or intended. Sometimes I think my writing, and by that I mean my style and how it flows out of my mind is more of a curse than a gift. It is a gift I will continue to accept, because sometimes you and by you I really mean me, just don't know how things are going to turn out - especially when you (see above) are absolutely sure they will turn out in your favor. Still not a good enough reason to be ...
Running Hard Out of Muskrat Flats.
Go in Peace!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sitting Here In Limbo, Waiting For The Dice To Roll
It has been a very quiet week in Muskrat Flats. The usual mayhem we have grown accustomed to experiencing as we interact with folks from the Flats seemed to be on hiatus for the week. Some of that probably has to do with the fact that Gomer had been out of town most of the week and had not been present to either instigate or fuel one of the loud and public dramas for which he and his father have become famous.
Perhaps it had something to do with Valentine's Day. Sveltie and her crew at the Muskrat Flats Farm and Agricultural Museum Greenhouse had their hands full. The first weeks of February are always hectic for her. This is a good thing. Sveltie, AKA Mrs. Jenny Smith, wife of the museum director, Jerry, are the two workhorses that keep the Muskrat Flats Farm and Agricultural Museum in the black with their selfless service to keeping the raw frontier energy which fueled the development and growth of Muskrat Flats, in the first place.
It often seems, sometimes, that they inherited the energy demonstrated by the town's founder and first Sheriff, Samuel Coleman Hawthorne III. They are still influenced by Hawthorne's energy, sometimes even directly, which they both discovered, as the notorious prankster proved to them just about this time last year when one of his diaries surfaced and ended up in their hands.
Even though Sveltie was in the planning stages for the upcoming semesters for her Vintner Program, it was crunch time as far as getting together all of the orders and smoothly delivering all of the holiday flower orders to the lucky Valentines out there in Muskrat Flats.
Her assistant Gina had even recruited her boyfriend, Kurt out of the Blacksmith shop to help out as she tapped his organizational skills putting him in charge of setting up the staging area for the distribution, where he made sure all of the invoices and manifests meshed with the orders.
Kurt even had a hand in the production of the bouquets. Sveltie wondered if it was a good idea to have the two of them working together. It was hard enough to keep the two separated when Gina was working in the office and he was in the Smithy shop. But they did a fantastic job keeping it professional all except for one instance where she caught Gina copping a feel in the walk in refrigerator amongst the hundreds of multicolored roses, ferns and baby's breath.
Sveltie just mockingly suggested they get a room. But what could she really say to them as she began to really take an honest look at her own libido and the trouble it had gotten her into in the last few years? Even when she was "supposed to be working."
You see, Gomer wasn't the only person with whom she had dallied with outside of the relationship with her husband Jerry. She had her fun at some conferences as well. She had been a faithful doting wife for years until she first found out about one of her husband's drunken sexscapades.
It all began right in front of her one night. they were in a crowd of people at a concert. It wasn't entirely clear that they were together as a couple because they arrived separately. He had already been pretty tipsy when she arrived and was paying some attention to another woman, in the group, whom she did not know.
As he got drunker and drunker, he paid more attention to her until he made a move which which was reciprocated. Sveltie was pissed. He assured her the next day that nothing further was going to happen between them and he would not see her again.
Less than a week later, she knew that he had broken his promise as he began to avoid eye contact, and began acting differently toward her and stayed out drinking. She caught up with him on the way out of the house on a Saturday morning. He confessed to not only that conquest but to a couple of others as well. She listened, she cried, she told him that she would have to think about what he had told her.
She knew it was wrong the wrong decision, but she agreed to stick with him, she agreed that they were better off as a couple. However, she decided that she was not going to deprive herself of the experiences she so desired, but was giving up for a "selfish drunk,"
and proposed the addle pated don't ask don't tell policy when it came to such matters.
Looking back at her decision at the time, she had some regrets. Things seemed to be getting better between her and her husband, for a while, but she occasionally had that itch, that inexplicable desire to act out and seek love and comfort elsewhere. She regretted getting back together with Gomer, because she had begun to fall in love with him. She also suspected that Gomer's rekindling their romance from years ago, was responsible for his breaking up with Miranda or should it be said, her breaking up with him?
Yes there were tough times. But as of late, the last 3 months or so, Jerry had been living sober, he struggled with it, but he was giving it his best effort. Sveltie was lost in thought, when she heard someone clearing his throat.
Standing behind her was her husband, holding the huge bouquet that Gina had been working on for the last 45 minutes, trying to get it just right. After all she knew how special this one had to be.
Jerry stood there in his white suit, an unlit cigar in his mouth, complete with a broad rimmed hat and Sheriff Hawthorne's 1870 Smith and Wesson Model 3 American revolver strapped to his side. He dropped a small terry cloth towel on the ground, and placed upon it, one knee.
He had been in this position before, but then he had always been begging forgiveness. This time it was different. Jerry looked over his bifocals up at his wife as he held the roses out to her. She looked down into his hazel eyes and began to feel weak in the knees. She reached out to him taking the flowers and cradling them in her right arm held out her left hand to him. He leaned in and kissed her hand. He simply said, "Be mine." She stood with tears in her eyes again a repeat of similar circumstances in the past. This time she didn't have to compromise. She stood there elated, never wanting the moment to end, as he got up and kissed her. It was like a first kiss between two teenagers. It was a kiss which was electrifying. A kiss which made both Jenny and Jerry quake with anticipation. A kiss you never think is possible from two people in a long term relationship.
It wasn't only roses and a kiss Jerry gave Sveltie on that crisp Sunday afternoon in February. He gave her only what he had to offer at the moment. He couldn't take away the pain he caused her, he couldn't remove the embarrassment. He couldn't undo the harm he had done over the years, the harm to her, his friends and most of all himself. He couldn't undo his affairs or the pain he caused her which led her to think acting out the same way was the answer to her pain.
What Jerry had given her that afternoon was the man she had fallen in love with so many years ago. He gave her a little glimpse of peace. And he never wanted to take that away from her ever again, no matter what.
Gomer sat in a small restaurant in Mountain View, California.
He had been in the place one time before when he was on tour with the band PRY in the late summer and early fall. It was called Taquiera La Bamba. Gomer had been on tour for about 5 weeks and was getting sick of the back stage offerings. He really just needed a change of scenery. So he hopped on a mountain bike and ventured out into the California landscape surrounding the amphitheater.
That afternoon, he went to the Museum of Computer History and a few blocks away found La Bamba. What really drew him into the restaurant in the first place was the exterior look of the place. It reminded him of Muskrat Flats, simple as that.
It was Valentine's Day, and Gomer's heart was heavy with anticipation. He sat at an empty table eyeballing the food his neighbor at the table to his left was relishing. It was plate of Carne Asada, with a big basket of chips and some fresh green guacamole and a pile of freshly slipped cilantro leaves. The food was swarming his senses - it looked so good. His stomach rumbled.
He had been reading his blog, he checked his email a couple of times and checked the front of his iPhone for the time. Fifteen more minutes he thought.
He was caught up reading something else on the internet when there was a commotion at the table next to him. The woman eating the Carne Asada had been joined by another woman about her age. They were both about 26 years old. The woman at the table had brunette hair, a lip ring and a small scar on her cheek. Other than the scar, she was very pretty, nicely dressed. Perhaps on a break from work.
Her recent companion on the other hand, seemed like she would have been a resident of the Iron Triangle in Muskrat Flats. She was a white girl, wearing pajama bottoms, fuzzy slippers, braless in an Ecko hoodie. She was blonde, had too many rings on her fingers and had a broken front tooth.
"Oy!" Gomer thought to himself, as he sized her up. His interest was peaked and he began to eavesdrop as he pretended to fiddle with his phone.
"Hey Sherry, what going on?" The brunette asked. "I haven't seen you in 6 months."
"Yeah, I know, I've been busy, How have you been, Donna? I saw your car so I figured I'd stop by."
"Things are good, I got a promotion a couple of weeks ago. A new office, bonus, the whole nine."
"That's great! I wish I could say the same."
"Aww that's too bad, are you working still?"
"Yeah, I like it there and the bosses are cool, but I had to cut back a bit, got too be too much, and then having to go home and deal with my kids."
"Did you know my sister moved in with me about a month ago?" Gomer listened intently. Donna began to rant.
"That little whore, I can't believe her. So, she moves in with me, All she does is sit up on the couch all day. Smoking cigarettes, which I pay for. I pay for the food, I pay for the diapers, I do everything."
"Wow, I thought you guys were tight, what happened?" Sherry asked.
"The little whore had a kid with my man ..." Gomer exhaled a limp muffled laugh.
"And you let her move in?"
"Well I had to, my mom is still on methadone, so she is useless. And can you believe she stole my son's birthday away from him. She had her little bastard on my son's birthday." She continued, without seeming to take a breath.
"We had a birthday party last week, which again I paid for, did she lift a finger to do anything for her kid? I even bought the presents, the cake, the decorations ... Everything is going fine and then my ex shows up.
He begins to start some shit with her, then they are screaming at each other, her son is crying, and then my son freaks out and starts trying to take his helmet off ..."
Gomer had to get up and go to the bathroom at that point where he laughed until he thought he would puke.
His phone chimed. He looked down at the screen, It was a text message from his Father.
"Are You There, Sonny?"
"A text message from Mr. I can't stand people who fiddle with their phones in public? :)"
"Cut the Shit look at this." Gomer waited and his phone buzzed again.
Miranda Klein Text ...
His heart began to pump a little faster. His phone buzzed again. It was his father.
He looked down at the screen and tapped a picture he had sent. It was a close up picture of Jerry and Sveltie at the Odd Fellows Hall. His phone chimed again. He opened the message...
"Where r u?" He dashed off,
"El Bano, b right out." His phone buzzed again, it was Moe.
"You see the look in their eyes? That's what I used to see in yours when your were with Miranda."
"Can't talk now, Dad." He dashed off as he washed his hands and exited the bathroom. He didn't do anything in there other than have a good laugh and use his phone, but he didn't want to come out of the bathroom and touch Miranda's hand with one which obviously had not been in recent contact with water.
He walked out into the dining room and stopped in his tracks when he saw her. He was stunned by her beauty.
She saw the expression on his face and let slip a sly little smile. She held a couple of pages of paper in her hand. Which he could see had been highlighted in numerous places.
His email. "Oh No," he thought.
She got a serious expression on her face. and walked over to him. He was going in for a hug, but she held out her hand. When she detected from the coolness of his flesh that it had recently been washed she lingered long enough for him to lean down and kiss hers.
"I got your email, Gomer. Pretty intense stuff. If you truly feel this way about me, how could you have disappeared off the face of the planet like you did?"
Gomer just stood looking at her silently. He smiled.
"I thought I explained myself pretty well in the email." She picked it up and looked at it.
Yeah, I've read it a couple of dozen times. It is much more uplifting than your blog has been lately."
"Miranda, I made a mistake. I just couldn't face you. You are so sweet. I didn't think you could understand."
"What!!?? I told you when this was happening that you should take the time to figure it out. Did I have to be any clearer than that?"
"I know, I was a jack ass. Everyone was telling me what a fool I was for not calling you back. You were so sweet to me when you came to the PRY show at Shoreline. But I felt uncomfortable. Like I had betrayed you."
His phone buzzed. Gomer looked down
Moe Eckstein Text ...
"It's my Dad. He's doing well ..."
"I know, I spoke to him yesterday - told him I was coming. and that your traveling here to make up with me was not the "fool's errand" he described." Gomer smiled and shook his head.
"Are you, going to trust me, Gomer? Are you going to let me in?"
"You're taking me back?" He asked.
"No, Gomer, I'm not taking you back ..." His heart sunk and he began to tear up.
"I can't take you back because I never let you go. I love you."
She leaned in and for another moment that day, St. Valentine sent cupid out with his quiver of arrows piercing the hearts of two estranged lovers. Allowing for another moment one of those kisses that energize you but also leave you feeling as if you are teetering on the edge of unconsciousness.
Miranda looked into Gomer's eyes and saw that look that Moe had been talking about. She hugged him like she would never let him go. Gomer promised to himself that he would never let her go.
It was business as usual at La Bamba, Gomer and Miranda's conversation had gone relatively unnoticed. They could have been any number of lovers kissing on Valentine's day, just going through the motions because that is the proper thing to do.
Not so for them and not so for Jerry and Sveltie who were dancing in the warm glow of that wood paneled room at the corner or Petersen and McKernan Streets in Muskrat Flats proper. Everybody knew their business and was elated to see the progress that Jerry and Jenny had been making.
They were the finest examples of two people demonstrating the principles of Friendship, Love and Truth that anyone could find in Muskrat Flats that evening as they swayed under the impressionist painting of Sheriff Hawthorne at the Odd Fellows Valentine's Day Dance.
Moe's phone buzzed and he looked at the screen
Sonny Boy Text ...
Moe opened the message and all he saw was
:0)
Thanks for reading and Happy Valentine's Day. Call it my fond memories or my hopes for the very near future. But life is pretty damn good as I continue ...
Running Hard Out of Muskrat Flats.
Oh Yeah, Mountain View ... that was a shout out. Thanks for reading whoever you are.
Perhaps it had something to do with Valentine's Day. Sveltie and her crew at the Muskrat Flats Farm and Agricultural Museum Greenhouse had their hands full. The first weeks of February are always hectic for her. This is a good thing. Sveltie, AKA Mrs. Jenny Smith, wife of the museum director, Jerry, are the two workhorses that keep the Muskrat Flats Farm and Agricultural Museum in the black with their selfless service to keeping the raw frontier energy which fueled the development and growth of Muskrat Flats, in the first place.
It often seems, sometimes, that they inherited the energy demonstrated by the town's founder and first Sheriff, Samuel Coleman Hawthorne III. They are still influenced by Hawthorne's energy, sometimes even directly, which they both discovered, as the notorious prankster proved to them just about this time last year when one of his diaries surfaced and ended up in their hands.
Even though Sveltie was in the planning stages for the upcoming semesters for her Vintner Program, it was crunch time as far as getting together all of the orders and smoothly delivering all of the holiday flower orders to the lucky Valentines out there in Muskrat Flats.
Her assistant Gina had even recruited her boyfriend, Kurt out of the Blacksmith shop to help out as she tapped his organizational skills putting him in charge of setting up the staging area for the distribution, where he made sure all of the invoices and manifests meshed with the orders.
Kurt even had a hand in the production of the bouquets. Sveltie wondered if it was a good idea to have the two of them working together. It was hard enough to keep the two separated when Gina was working in the office and he was in the Smithy shop. But they did a fantastic job keeping it professional all except for one instance where she caught Gina copping a feel in the walk in refrigerator amongst the hundreds of multicolored roses, ferns and baby's breath.
Sveltie just mockingly suggested they get a room. But what could she really say to them as she began to really take an honest look at her own libido and the trouble it had gotten her into in the last few years? Even when she was "supposed to be working."
You see, Gomer wasn't the only person with whom she had dallied with outside of the relationship with her husband Jerry. She had her fun at some conferences as well. She had been a faithful doting wife for years until she first found out about one of her husband's drunken sexscapades.
It all began right in front of her one night. they were in a crowd of people at a concert. It wasn't entirely clear that they were together as a couple because they arrived separately. He had already been pretty tipsy when she arrived and was paying some attention to another woman, in the group, whom she did not know.
As he got drunker and drunker, he paid more attention to her until he made a move which which was reciprocated. Sveltie was pissed. He assured her the next day that nothing further was going to happen between them and he would not see her again.
Less than a week later, she knew that he had broken his promise as he began to avoid eye contact, and began acting differently toward her and stayed out drinking. She caught up with him on the way out of the house on a Saturday morning. He confessed to not only that conquest but to a couple of others as well. She listened, she cried, she told him that she would have to think about what he had told her.
She knew it was wrong the wrong decision, but she agreed to stick with him, she agreed that they were better off as a couple. However, she decided that she was not going to deprive herself of the experiences she so desired, but was giving up for a "selfish drunk,"
and proposed the addle pated don't ask don't tell policy when it came to such matters.
Looking back at her decision at the time, she had some regrets. Things seemed to be getting better between her and her husband, for a while, but she occasionally had that itch, that inexplicable desire to act out and seek love and comfort elsewhere. She regretted getting back together with Gomer, because she had begun to fall in love with him. She also suspected that Gomer's rekindling their romance from years ago, was responsible for his breaking up with Miranda or should it be said, her breaking up with him?
Yes there were tough times. But as of late, the last 3 months or so, Jerry had been living sober, he struggled with it, but he was giving it his best effort. Sveltie was lost in thought, when she heard someone clearing his throat.
Standing behind her was her husband, holding the huge bouquet that Gina had been working on for the last 45 minutes, trying to get it just right. After all she knew how special this one had to be.
Jerry stood there in his white suit, an unlit cigar in his mouth, complete with a broad rimmed hat and Sheriff Hawthorne's 1870 Smith and Wesson Model 3 American revolver strapped to his side. He dropped a small terry cloth towel on the ground, and placed upon it, one knee.
He had been in this position before, but then he had always been begging forgiveness. This time it was different. Jerry looked over his bifocals up at his wife as he held the roses out to her. She looked down into his hazel eyes and began to feel weak in the knees. She reached out to him taking the flowers and cradling them in her right arm held out her left hand to him. He leaned in and kissed her hand. He simply said, "Be mine." She stood with tears in her eyes again a repeat of similar circumstances in the past. This time she didn't have to compromise. She stood there elated, never wanting the moment to end, as he got up and kissed her. It was like a first kiss between two teenagers. It was a kiss which was electrifying. A kiss which made both Jenny and Jerry quake with anticipation. A kiss you never think is possible from two people in a long term relationship.
It wasn't only roses and a kiss Jerry gave Sveltie on that crisp Sunday afternoon in February. He gave her only what he had to offer at the moment. He couldn't take away the pain he caused her, he couldn't remove the embarrassment. He couldn't undo the harm he had done over the years, the harm to her, his friends and most of all himself. He couldn't undo his affairs or the pain he caused her which led her to think acting out the same way was the answer to her pain.
What Jerry had given her that afternoon was the man she had fallen in love with so many years ago. He gave her a little glimpse of peace. And he never wanted to take that away from her ever again, no matter what.
Gomer sat in a small restaurant in Mountain View, California.
He had been in the place one time before when he was on tour with the band PRY in the late summer and early fall. It was called Taquiera La Bamba. Gomer had been on tour for about 5 weeks and was getting sick of the back stage offerings. He really just needed a change of scenery. So he hopped on a mountain bike and ventured out into the California landscape surrounding the amphitheater.
That afternoon, he went to the Museum of Computer History and a few blocks away found La Bamba. What really drew him into the restaurant in the first place was the exterior look of the place. It reminded him of Muskrat Flats, simple as that.
It was Valentine's Day, and Gomer's heart was heavy with anticipation. He sat at an empty table eyeballing the food his neighbor at the table to his left was relishing. It was plate of Carne Asada, with a big basket of chips and some fresh green guacamole and a pile of freshly slipped cilantro leaves. The food was swarming his senses - it looked so good. His stomach rumbled.
He had been reading his blog, he checked his email a couple of times and checked the front of his iPhone for the time. Fifteen more minutes he thought.
He was caught up reading something else on the internet when there was a commotion at the table next to him. The woman eating the Carne Asada had been joined by another woman about her age. They were both about 26 years old. The woman at the table had brunette hair, a lip ring and a small scar on her cheek. Other than the scar, she was very pretty, nicely dressed. Perhaps on a break from work.
Her recent companion on the other hand, seemed like she would have been a resident of the Iron Triangle in Muskrat Flats. She was a white girl, wearing pajama bottoms, fuzzy slippers, braless in an Ecko hoodie. She was blonde, had too many rings on her fingers and had a broken front tooth.
"Oy!" Gomer thought to himself, as he sized her up. His interest was peaked and he began to eavesdrop as he pretended to fiddle with his phone.
"Hey Sherry, what going on?" The brunette asked. "I haven't seen you in 6 months."
"Yeah, I know, I've been busy, How have you been, Donna? I saw your car so I figured I'd stop by."
"Things are good, I got a promotion a couple of weeks ago. A new office, bonus, the whole nine."
"That's great! I wish I could say the same."
"Aww that's too bad, are you working still?"
"Yeah, I like it there and the bosses are cool, but I had to cut back a bit, got too be too much, and then having to go home and deal with my kids."
"Did you know my sister moved in with me about a month ago?" Gomer listened intently. Donna began to rant.
"That little whore, I can't believe her. So, she moves in with me, All she does is sit up on the couch all day. Smoking cigarettes, which I pay for. I pay for the food, I pay for the diapers, I do everything."
"Wow, I thought you guys were tight, what happened?" Sherry asked.
"The little whore had a kid with my man ..." Gomer exhaled a limp muffled laugh.
"And you let her move in?"
"Well I had to, my mom is still on methadone, so she is useless. And can you believe she stole my son's birthday away from him. She had her little bastard on my son's birthday." She continued, without seeming to take a breath.
"We had a birthday party last week, which again I paid for, did she lift a finger to do anything for her kid? I even bought the presents, the cake, the decorations ... Everything is going fine and then my ex shows up.
He begins to start some shit with her, then they are screaming at each other, her son is crying, and then my son freaks out and starts trying to take his helmet off ..."
Gomer had to get up and go to the bathroom at that point where he laughed until he thought he would puke.
His phone chimed. He looked down at the screen, It was a text message from his Father.
"Are You There, Sonny?"
"A text message from Mr. I can't stand people who fiddle with their phones in public? :)"
"Cut the Shit look at this." Gomer waited and his phone buzzed again.
Miranda Klein Text ...
His heart began to pump a little faster. His phone buzzed again. It was his father.
He looked down at the screen and tapped a picture he had sent. It was a close up picture of Jerry and Sveltie at the Odd Fellows Hall. His phone chimed again. He opened the message...
"Where r u?" He dashed off,
"El Bano, b right out." His phone buzzed again, it was Moe.
"You see the look in their eyes? That's what I used to see in yours when your were with Miranda."
"Can't talk now, Dad." He dashed off as he washed his hands and exited the bathroom. He didn't do anything in there other than have a good laugh and use his phone, but he didn't want to come out of the bathroom and touch Miranda's hand with one which obviously had not been in recent contact with water.
He walked out into the dining room and stopped in his tracks when he saw her. He was stunned by her beauty.
She saw the expression on his face and let slip a sly little smile. She held a couple of pages of paper in her hand. Which he could see had been highlighted in numerous places.
His email. "Oh No," he thought.
She got a serious expression on her face. and walked over to him. He was going in for a hug, but she held out her hand. When she detected from the coolness of his flesh that it had recently been washed she lingered long enough for him to lean down and kiss hers.
"I got your email, Gomer. Pretty intense stuff. If you truly feel this way about me, how could you have disappeared off the face of the planet like you did?"
Gomer just stood looking at her silently. He smiled.
"I thought I explained myself pretty well in the email." She picked it up and looked at it.
Yeah, I've read it a couple of dozen times. It is much more uplifting than your blog has been lately."
"Miranda, I made a mistake. I just couldn't face you. You are so sweet. I didn't think you could understand."
"What!!?? I told you when this was happening that you should take the time to figure it out. Did I have to be any clearer than that?"
"I know, I was a jack ass. Everyone was telling me what a fool I was for not calling you back. You were so sweet to me when you came to the PRY show at Shoreline. But I felt uncomfortable. Like I had betrayed you."
His phone buzzed. Gomer looked down
Moe Eckstein Text ...
"It's my Dad. He's doing well ..."
"I know, I spoke to him yesterday - told him I was coming. and that your traveling here to make up with me was not the "fool's errand" he described." Gomer smiled and shook his head.
"Are you, going to trust me, Gomer? Are you going to let me in?"
"You're taking me back?" He asked.
"No, Gomer, I'm not taking you back ..." His heart sunk and he began to tear up.
"I can't take you back because I never let you go. I love you."
She leaned in and for another moment that day, St. Valentine sent cupid out with his quiver of arrows piercing the hearts of two estranged lovers. Allowing for another moment one of those kisses that energize you but also leave you feeling as if you are teetering on the edge of unconsciousness.
Miranda looked into Gomer's eyes and saw that look that Moe had been talking about. She hugged him like she would never let him go. Gomer promised to himself that he would never let her go.
It was business as usual at La Bamba, Gomer and Miranda's conversation had gone relatively unnoticed. They could have been any number of lovers kissing on Valentine's day, just going through the motions because that is the proper thing to do.
Not so for them and not so for Jerry and Sveltie who were dancing in the warm glow of that wood paneled room at the corner or Petersen and McKernan Streets in Muskrat Flats proper. Everybody knew their business and was elated to see the progress that Jerry and Jenny had been making.
They were the finest examples of two people demonstrating the principles of Friendship, Love and Truth that anyone could find in Muskrat Flats that evening as they swayed under the impressionist painting of Sheriff Hawthorne at the Odd Fellows Valentine's Day Dance.
Moe's phone buzzed and he looked at the screen
Sonny Boy Text ...
Moe opened the message and all he saw was
:0)
Thanks for reading and Happy Valentine's Day. Call it my fond memories or my hopes for the very near future. But life is pretty damn good as I continue ...
Running Hard Out of Muskrat Flats.
Oh Yeah, Mountain View ... that was a shout out. Thanks for reading whoever you are.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Life may not be a bowl of cherries, but it sure can be a good bluberry muffin recipe.
Hiya Folks - So glad you could join me. It has been a very busy couple of months in Muskrat Flats. Life is moving right along as it always does. Not too much has happened or really changed. I.E. your reporter has been busy and can not devote as much time as he would like to nosing around in the business of some of our favorite characters who color the landscape in Muskrat Flats proper.
The one constant is that life goes on and everyday a sense of community is reinforced as one helping hand reaches out to another in need. Even if that helping hand is a well deserved slap in the face which will wake you up a bit and help you to "snap out of it," as they say. That's they way they roll in the flats, always has been and hopefully always will be.
This week provided some of those tense times, where there was a disagreement and tempers briefly flared.
There was an incident at the Odd Fellows Hall the other day between Sid Bartleby, Moe Eckstein and a group of onlookers.
Earlier in the day, Moe was driving on the interstate with one of the guys he had met when he was an occupant of the long term care facility he was in when he was doing his treatments for cancer. Bennie Blanco is his name. Due to life's unfortunate circumstances Bennie has found himself to be alone, ill and with very few friends. He was your average cranky old man. Moe took pity on him and began giving him rides when he needed to get out. That day, Bennie needed a ride to his lawyer's office in Dana. He then needed to get back to Muskrat Flats for a doctor's appointment at noon. Moe being the good sort that he is, offered Bennie a ride.
Things took a little longer than expected at the Lawyer's office and there was some construction which had caused some delays as dump trucks moving in and out of the construction zone stopped traffic, on one occasion. Bennie began to get anxious as it appeared that they were going to be late.
When they got to the toll booth they were in a line of three cars. The guy in the first car was asking for directions.
"Jesus, Moe will you look at this shit? Who asks for directions at a toll booth?" He was huffing and puffing.
"Comon, Bennie relax. Here use my phone. Call the doctor."
"I'm not calling the doctor. Jesus Christ!" Bennie barked as the toll booth operator was pointing in one direction while the driver was waving his hands and gesturing in the other direction. This went on for a very uncomfortable 60 seconds or so. The driver finally proceeded.
The car in front of them inched toward the toll booth a little slower than Bennie would have liked. Moe and Bennie watched as it appeared that the driver was taking off her seat belt. She was because her window was broken and could not be rolled down. She opened the door and leaned out to hand the toll both operator the ticket and her money.
Bennie barked,
"Jesus Fuck, will you look at this now? We're never going to fuckin' get there on time." Moe rolled his eyes and looked at his watch.
Much to Moe's horror Bennie then reached over and leaned on the horn. As he did this, the driver - a young African American lass with very pleasant features, turned and scowled at Moe.
Moe recognized the driver as Gina, Kurt Bartleby's girlfriend. Moe put his hands up in the air giving an "oops" gesture. However, his unease with the situation caused him to have the most inappropriate reaction. While he was gesturing, he was also laughing.
The displeasure, once again registered in Gina's face when she recognized Moe and saw him laughing. She took her change, slammed the door shut and sped off.
"About fucking time," Bennie bitched with no remorse.
The next five minutes were spent with Moe and Bennie shouting at each other. Moe took Bennie to the appointment, for which they were on time, and then dropped him off at his apartment after more bickering. Moe then proceeded to go to the Odd Fellows Hall to grab a coffee and blueberry muffin.
Moe walked into the kitchen where Paul and Donnie were embroiled in another one of their nonsensical conversations. This time it was Parallel Universes.
Paul said,
"You mean to tell me you really believe there is a parallel universe. Like, one where there is an evil Mister Spock with a beard?" Donnie replied,
"I'm telling you there are many parallel universes. There may even be one where you're not an asshole." Everyone burst out laughing.
"You're a jerk, you're still pissed off about me being right about the fact that a mountain lion can be a UFO."
"Whatttt? We had that conversation over a year ago."
"Well I was right about opening your coat to make you look bigger. That will scare mountain lions away?"
That was all Moe had time take in. He needed his caffeine. He looked over in the corner and his Sonny Boy, Gomer and Corey Blackstone were deep in conversation. He heard a chime and Corey began fiddling with his iPhone. Gomer took this opportunity to take his phone out and check his mail. As Moe saw this he thought, "These kids today ... so unfocused and rude. Stopping a conversation to fiddle with phones. Who ever needed to talk on the phone in line at the store, or pumping gas?" Moe's heart began to beat a little faster as his temper began to get further away from him.
The stereo began to spew out dogs barking, Jingle Bells. Moe Looked over at the portrait of Sheriff Hawthorne. Above the painting, one of the jackalope's horns had fallen off and was dangling from its head by a thread. This further annoyed him. He stopped to get his coffee and muffin.
"Good Morning, Iva." Moe said. Iva looked at him with a cool expression and simply acknowledged him.
"Moe ..."
She walked away. Her coldness went unnoticed as Moe went to his table and pulled the Jackalope down from the shelf. He took one sip of his coffee. and opened one of his newspapers. He thought to himself, finally, the opportunity to simmer down in solitude and relax, when he heard the door open.
He looked up and saw Sid and Gina walking in the door together. Sid saw Moe raised his hand in the air and bellowed,
"I wanna talk to you!" Gina simply glared at Moe who stood up.
"What's your problem? Why did you honk your horn at Gina?"
"I didn't honk at her!" Gina gasped,
"Yes you did," She turned to Sid, "He totally did. And when I looked back at you, you were laughing about it." Gina shouted.
"Well, whaddya say to that? Moe? You honked or you didn't?
Moe was silent, Sid goaded him.
"Well ... Why did you honk?"
"I didn't Honk! It was Bennie Blanco. He was late and pissed off when the guy in front of her was asking for directions. So when she opened her door at the booth he honked. It wasn't me I didn't honk." Moe looked over at Gina who had her arms folded across her chest. She shot out her hand pointing right in Moe's face,
"I saw you laughing. I deserve an apology." Moe erupted.
"IT wasn't me. I DIDN"T HONK!! For Chrissakes, Sid ... I argued with that bastard, Bennie Blanco. for five minutes after that. I didn't honk."
"But it was your car, right?" Sid queried. He waited for Moe to respond, when he was silent that proved to Sid that was an admission of guilt.
"Sid softened his tone and got a glimmer in his eye as he began to feel badly for his old friend who was placed in an awful situation. After all he was doing Bennie, that miserable prick, a favor.
"Moe, comon, She was late too, the guy in front of her with the directions ... Her window doesn't work, the last thing she needed was to be honked at by a couple of old white guys, one of whom was laughing."
"Now wait a minute, Sid. Don't make this about race. My record stands for itself on the subject of civil rights and racism. I been writing about it for 40 years!" Moe looked at Gina and began to sputter a bit, He took her hands in his and apologized.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh at you, I was just so horrified that Bennie honked my horn, that was my reaction." Gina looked at him with a puzzled expression. She softened too and was ready to accept his apology When they heard a all too familiar voice from the peanut gallery.
"Just face it Dad, you're a Honky." Moe looked over at Gomer as his son started chortling with laughter. Moe glared . Gina agreed, she pointed at Gomer, smiled and nodded her head. Sid, said,
"Sonny Boy's right, kid, You're a honky!"
"You guys are nuts, I'm not a honky." Moe was smiling and shaking his head. Sid pointed his finger,
"But you had one in your car, that makes you a honky by association. "
"Then you're a honky because you associate with me." Gomer was beside himself with laughter.
All the folks at the Odd Fellows Hall had a good laugh that morning. It was a ridiculous situation all around. But in the end, everything was made right. After everyone moved on to deal with their business for the day, Moe grabbed another cup of Joe, sat alone and nestled into his newspapers.
He took a bite of his blueberry muffin. It was light and airy, the blueberries were perfectly dispersed throughout the muffin all except for the one spot where a cluster of berries had congregated. That spot sure looked moist and sweet, much denser than the rest of the muffin. Moe had thought about these muffins on occasion, how consistent they were and somewhat predictable - in a good way of course.
This is because the formula has remained unchanged for over a century, he thought. The blueberry muffins from the Bartleby's Mercantile have been made the same way with the same ingredients all this time. The muffins were a warm buttery oasis which the folks in Muskrat Flats could count upon to be the same - unchanged, a constant in the historical time line. They are, after all, as old as Muskrat Flats itself.
The muffins have remained unchanged through numerous wars, presidents, depressions and recessions. They have remained unchaged through the cold war, McCarthyism, political upheavals, times of temperance and excess, alike. Moe mused that it was unfortunate that living life could not be as simple as following a formula as specific as a muffin recipe -a recipe to guarantee success.
Of course, that would be boring, Moe thought as he noted how satisfying that juicy cluster of berries was sure to be. That cluster wasn't supposed to be there, but it happened. Regardless of the formula and how the muffins were supposed to be, it existed. That cluster was held together by the same ingredients that went into every morsel, kind of like Muskrat Flats, Moe thought. We have the same people, the same routines, but you never know when there will just be that one factor which will change everything. The argument and the comic relief which followed was as dense and sweet as the cluster of berries he was squeezing gently between his fingers.
All of the necessary ingredients to produce the whole were there, but there is the occasional instance which causes an aberration - in this case it was a welcome and unexpected suprise. A rare morsel of sweetness that reminds anyone who cares to notice, that sometimes where you are, is the best place you can possibly be.
Moe looked up from the treat he was rolling in his fingers as he felt a pair of lips kiss the top of his head. He felt warm and strong hands on his shoulders and heard Gomer's soothing voice tell him,
"I love you, Dad. Happy Holidays."
"What're you doing Sonny?"
"I'm going to the airport. Gotta catch up on some paperwork for the jump school. Then I'm calling the ACLU to let them know that the foremost writer on civil right issues for the last half century is a Honky."
"Ahhh, you're nuts!" Moe said. Gomer replied,
"What about them?"
Moe squeezed his son's hand and watched him depart from that warm wood paneled room chaotically decorated with dusty impressionist paintings, and dilapidated taxidermy in need of repair. But the imperfections were insignificant as he looked around at the festive decorations. A menorah over there, Santa in the corner, a lighted nativity across from the fireplace. They all added nicely to warm glow of the room at the corners of Petersen and McKernan Streets.
Just like his mother he is ... always a joker, Moe thought to himself. How he missed his lovely bride and how proud she would have been of their Sonny Boy.
Moe popped the last morsel of the muffin in his mouth. The cluster of berries he had been musing about was well worth saving as a the last bite of that muffin - Life never had tasted so sweet.
He folded up his newspapers and wondered why any rational thinking person would ever have a good enough reason to be ...
Running Hard out of Muskrat Flats.
The one constant is that life goes on and everyday a sense of community is reinforced as one helping hand reaches out to another in need. Even if that helping hand is a well deserved slap in the face which will wake you up a bit and help you to "snap out of it," as they say. That's they way they roll in the flats, always has been and hopefully always will be.
This week provided some of those tense times, where there was a disagreement and tempers briefly flared.
There was an incident at the Odd Fellows Hall the other day between Sid Bartleby, Moe Eckstein and a group of onlookers.
Earlier in the day, Moe was driving on the interstate with one of the guys he had met when he was an occupant of the long term care facility he was in when he was doing his treatments for cancer. Bennie Blanco is his name. Due to life's unfortunate circumstances Bennie has found himself to be alone, ill and with very few friends. He was your average cranky old man. Moe took pity on him and began giving him rides when he needed to get out. That day, Bennie needed a ride to his lawyer's office in Dana. He then needed to get back to Muskrat Flats for a doctor's appointment at noon. Moe being the good sort that he is, offered Bennie a ride.
Things took a little longer than expected at the Lawyer's office and there was some construction which had caused some delays as dump trucks moving in and out of the construction zone stopped traffic, on one occasion. Bennie began to get anxious as it appeared that they were going to be late.
When they got to the toll booth they were in a line of three cars. The guy in the first car was asking for directions.
"Jesus, Moe will you look at this shit? Who asks for directions at a toll booth?" He was huffing and puffing.
"Comon, Bennie relax. Here use my phone. Call the doctor."
"I'm not calling the doctor. Jesus Christ!" Bennie barked as the toll booth operator was pointing in one direction while the driver was waving his hands and gesturing in the other direction. This went on for a very uncomfortable 60 seconds or so. The driver finally proceeded.
The car in front of them inched toward the toll booth a little slower than Bennie would have liked. Moe and Bennie watched as it appeared that the driver was taking off her seat belt. She was because her window was broken and could not be rolled down. She opened the door and leaned out to hand the toll both operator the ticket and her money.
Bennie barked,
"Jesus Fuck, will you look at this now? We're never going to fuckin' get there on time." Moe rolled his eyes and looked at his watch.
Much to Moe's horror Bennie then reached over and leaned on the horn. As he did this, the driver - a young African American lass with very pleasant features, turned and scowled at Moe.
Moe recognized the driver as Gina, Kurt Bartleby's girlfriend. Moe put his hands up in the air giving an "oops" gesture. However, his unease with the situation caused him to have the most inappropriate reaction. While he was gesturing, he was also laughing.
The displeasure, once again registered in Gina's face when she recognized Moe and saw him laughing. She took her change, slammed the door shut and sped off.
"About fucking time," Bennie bitched with no remorse.
The next five minutes were spent with Moe and Bennie shouting at each other. Moe took Bennie to the appointment, for which they were on time, and then dropped him off at his apartment after more bickering. Moe then proceeded to go to the Odd Fellows Hall to grab a coffee and blueberry muffin.
Moe walked into the kitchen where Paul and Donnie were embroiled in another one of their nonsensical conversations. This time it was Parallel Universes.
Paul said,
"You mean to tell me you really believe there is a parallel universe. Like, one where there is an evil Mister Spock with a beard?" Donnie replied,
"I'm telling you there are many parallel universes. There may even be one where you're not an asshole." Everyone burst out laughing.
"You're a jerk, you're still pissed off about me being right about the fact that a mountain lion can be a UFO."
"Whatttt? We had that conversation over a year ago."
"Well I was right about opening your coat to make you look bigger. That will scare mountain lions away?"
That was all Moe had time take in. He needed his caffeine. He looked over in the corner and his Sonny Boy, Gomer and Corey Blackstone were deep in conversation. He heard a chime and Corey began fiddling with his iPhone. Gomer took this opportunity to take his phone out and check his mail. As Moe saw this he thought, "These kids today ... so unfocused and rude. Stopping a conversation to fiddle with phones. Who ever needed to talk on the phone in line at the store, or pumping gas?" Moe's heart began to beat a little faster as his temper began to get further away from him.
The stereo began to spew out dogs barking, Jingle Bells. Moe Looked over at the portrait of Sheriff Hawthorne. Above the painting, one of the jackalope's horns had fallen off and was dangling from its head by a thread. This further annoyed him. He stopped to get his coffee and muffin.
"Good Morning, Iva." Moe said. Iva looked at him with a cool expression and simply acknowledged him.
"Moe ..."
She walked away. Her coldness went unnoticed as Moe went to his table and pulled the Jackalope down from the shelf. He took one sip of his coffee. and opened one of his newspapers. He thought to himself, finally, the opportunity to simmer down in solitude and relax, when he heard the door open.
He looked up and saw Sid and Gina walking in the door together. Sid saw Moe raised his hand in the air and bellowed,
"I wanna talk to you!" Gina simply glared at Moe who stood up.
"What's your problem? Why did you honk your horn at Gina?"
"I didn't honk at her!" Gina gasped,
"Yes you did," She turned to Sid, "He totally did. And when I looked back at you, you were laughing about it." Gina shouted.
"Well, whaddya say to that? Moe? You honked or you didn't?
Moe was silent, Sid goaded him.
"Well ... Why did you honk?"
"I didn't Honk! It was Bennie Blanco. He was late and pissed off when the guy in front of her was asking for directions. So when she opened her door at the booth he honked. It wasn't me I didn't honk." Moe looked over at Gina who had her arms folded across her chest. She shot out her hand pointing right in Moe's face,
"I saw you laughing. I deserve an apology." Moe erupted.
"IT wasn't me. I DIDN"T HONK!! For Chrissakes, Sid ... I argued with that bastard, Bennie Blanco. for five minutes after that. I didn't honk."
"But it was your car, right?" Sid queried. He waited for Moe to respond, when he was silent that proved to Sid that was an admission of guilt.
"Sid softened his tone and got a glimmer in his eye as he began to feel badly for his old friend who was placed in an awful situation. After all he was doing Bennie, that miserable prick, a favor.
"Moe, comon, She was late too, the guy in front of her with the directions ... Her window doesn't work, the last thing she needed was to be honked at by a couple of old white guys, one of whom was laughing."
"Now wait a minute, Sid. Don't make this about race. My record stands for itself on the subject of civil rights and racism. I been writing about it for 40 years!" Moe looked at Gina and began to sputter a bit, He took her hands in his and apologized.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh at you, I was just so horrified that Bennie honked my horn, that was my reaction." Gina looked at him with a puzzled expression. She softened too and was ready to accept his apology When they heard a all too familiar voice from the peanut gallery.
"Just face it Dad, you're a Honky." Moe looked over at Gomer as his son started chortling with laughter. Moe glared . Gina agreed, she pointed at Gomer, smiled and nodded her head. Sid, said,
"Sonny Boy's right, kid, You're a honky!"
"You guys are nuts, I'm not a honky." Moe was smiling and shaking his head. Sid pointed his finger,
"But you had one in your car, that makes you a honky by association. "
"Then you're a honky because you associate with me." Gomer was beside himself with laughter.
All the folks at the Odd Fellows Hall had a good laugh that morning. It was a ridiculous situation all around. But in the end, everything was made right. After everyone moved on to deal with their business for the day, Moe grabbed another cup of Joe, sat alone and nestled into his newspapers.
He took a bite of his blueberry muffin. It was light and airy, the blueberries were perfectly dispersed throughout the muffin all except for the one spot where a cluster of berries had congregated. That spot sure looked moist and sweet, much denser than the rest of the muffin. Moe had thought about these muffins on occasion, how consistent they were and somewhat predictable - in a good way of course.
This is because the formula has remained unchanged for over a century, he thought. The blueberry muffins from the Bartleby's Mercantile have been made the same way with the same ingredients all this time. The muffins were a warm buttery oasis which the folks in Muskrat Flats could count upon to be the same - unchanged, a constant in the historical time line. They are, after all, as old as Muskrat Flats itself.
The muffins have remained unchanged through numerous wars, presidents, depressions and recessions. They have remained unchaged through the cold war, McCarthyism, political upheavals, times of temperance and excess, alike. Moe mused that it was unfortunate that living life could not be as simple as following a formula as specific as a muffin recipe -a recipe to guarantee success.
Of course, that would be boring, Moe thought as he noted how satisfying that juicy cluster of berries was sure to be. That cluster wasn't supposed to be there, but it happened. Regardless of the formula and how the muffins were supposed to be, it existed. That cluster was held together by the same ingredients that went into every morsel, kind of like Muskrat Flats, Moe thought. We have the same people, the same routines, but you never know when there will just be that one factor which will change everything. The argument and the comic relief which followed was as dense and sweet as the cluster of berries he was squeezing gently between his fingers.
All of the necessary ingredients to produce the whole were there, but there is the occasional instance which causes an aberration - in this case it was a welcome and unexpected suprise. A rare morsel of sweetness that reminds anyone who cares to notice, that sometimes where you are, is the best place you can possibly be.
Moe looked up from the treat he was rolling in his fingers as he felt a pair of lips kiss the top of his head. He felt warm and strong hands on his shoulders and heard Gomer's soothing voice tell him,
"I love you, Dad. Happy Holidays."
"What're you doing Sonny?"
"I'm going to the airport. Gotta catch up on some paperwork for the jump school. Then I'm calling the ACLU to let them know that the foremost writer on civil right issues for the last half century is a Honky."
"Ahhh, you're nuts!" Moe said. Gomer replied,
"What about them?"
Moe squeezed his son's hand and watched him depart from that warm wood paneled room chaotically decorated with dusty impressionist paintings, and dilapidated taxidermy in need of repair. But the imperfections were insignificant as he looked around at the festive decorations. A menorah over there, Santa in the corner, a lighted nativity across from the fireplace. They all added nicely to warm glow of the room at the corners of Petersen and McKernan Streets.
Just like his mother he is ... always a joker, Moe thought to himself. How he missed his lovely bride and how proud she would have been of their Sonny Boy.
Moe popped the last morsel of the muffin in his mouth. The cluster of berries he had been musing about was well worth saving as a the last bite of that muffin - Life never had tasted so sweet.
He folded up his newspapers and wondered why any rational thinking person would ever have a good enough reason to be ...
Running Hard out of Muskrat Flats.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday Morning You Sure Look Fine.
It has been a while, since I have written anything. A long time. That is not to say that I have forgotten about our friends who are still congregating at the Odd Fellows' Hall at the corners of Petersen and McKernan Streets in Muskrat Flats proper.
Coley Blackstone and his dog Chubby are doing fine. They are still going for their morning walks to the Odd Fellows' Hall. Coley still occasionally indulges himself by deftly yet discreetly plucking an interesting piece of paper out of a trash can he passes. I say indulges himself because he is working very hard to get to the root of his obsessions and compulsions. Chubby always offers never ending validation as he looks up lovingly while chewing on his plastic banana.
Moe Eckstein and Sid, his best buddy, are still holding court in the Banquet Hall every morning amid the the omnipresent aroma of freshly baked blueberry muffins.
The Memorial Day concert is still quite the topic of conversation when the town was overrun as word got out that the featured band for the evening, Odorono, was in reality the hippie jam band PRY.
Police were called in from local counties to control the crowd, early on. So things never really got all that out of hand.
They had a little mini Woodstock situation on their hands as about 10,000 more people than expected showed up for the event. The food vendors and local merchants were elated as their business for the day was brisk, giving a much needed bump in revenue during a period where the local economy had slowed down.
PRY did their best to keep everyone in line and did a fine job. Gomer was up on stage that night as well, bringing a big bottom to the band as they had two bass players for a major portion of the second set. Sveltie was up front, encouraging him while her husband was isolated in their house, much drunker than he intended or worse - promised he would get, that afternoon.
Later in the summer Silver Days was a success and the residents are now gearing up for the Fall Festival at the Farm Museum. Gomer took a few days off from PRY tour, where he is filling in for their bass player Lester Phillips, to do the annual Silver Days parachute jump and to perform that evening with his Hardcore Klezemer band Gomer Shabbos and the Hook Nosed Satans.
It wasn't quite the same situation as the Memorial Day concert, but there was a noticeable bump in attendance and there were a good amount of concert goers who were sporting PRY t-shirts.
As always, behind the scenes, a frequernt catalyst for shaping current days events in Muskrat Flats is the oft revered and even further maligned prankster, Sheriff Samuel Coleman Hawthorne III.
Gomer meandered into the Odd Fellows Hall, grabbed a coffee and a blueberry muffin. He was greeted by Iva Bartelby with a hug and a kiss. He spied Iva's husband, Sid and his father sitting in their usual spot, the table underneath Hawthorne's portrait and the two stuffed Jack-alopes.
He also spied Sveltie who was giving him that mischievous half smile. He went over and gave her a hug and chatted for a minute. He then reached into his sack and returned the wooden box containing what some perceive to be Sheriff Hawthorne's most recent prank on the modern day Flatlanders. They hugged again andGomer headed to greet his father.
Moe was locked and loaded.
"What's that all about, Sonny Boy?"
"It's nothing Dad ... I was returning that diary."
"Oy, that diary." Moe motioned with his thumb over his left shoulder,
"This guy, the Sheriff - he may have been a genius and did a lot of great things for this town, but he was fucking NUTS. He should have been locked up in some sanitarium or a looney bin. He is fucking with your lives with that crazy book."
"Daaaaddd!" Gomer wished he would shut the fuck up.
"Soooooooo ...." Gomer cringed. Here it comes, the clincher.
"How's Miranda? Does Sveltie know about you two, not that it matters to her since she's an adulterer too."
"Oh Dad, please can't you just let it go? Why can't you just give me a hug and tell me that you missed me?" Moe got up.
"Of course I can do that, I do love you, Sonny Boy." Moe said as he leaned in and grabbed his only son in a big bear hug. He whispered in Gomer's ear.
"I love you more than you will ever know. I just feel like I still need to protect you ... you're my baby." They broke apart.
"I know Dad, I know." Gomer wondered how long he was going to feel like a little kid.
"By the way, Dad, Miranda is fine. I'm going back to San Francisco in two days and she is going to accompany me on the last leg of the tour."
"That'll keep him out of trouble, eh Moe?" Sid chided.
Moe simply clicked his tongue against his teeth and grunted.
"Soooooo Sonny Boy ... " Gomer thought, what the fuck now? I thought we were done. He relaxed and even laughed when his father finished the sentence.
"What do you think about Mackenzie Phillips and Papa John Speedball? And you think your childhood was fucked up?"
"Oh Dad ..." Gomer admonished as the conversation meandered into less controversial territory.
Moe and Sid got up a little while later for their weekly run to Costco.
Gomer flipped 0pen his laptop and went through his mail. He got a correspondence from his buddy Pablo, a musician he had met at a recovery convention in the Northeast.
Hey Gomer, I just wanted to drop you a line and let you know I'm thinking about you. I hope things are going well with PRY. We'll see you at the Satans show in Burlington next month. In the meantime check out my latest blog. He clicked on the link and the blog popped up and began to read.
Monday Morning You Sure Look Fine
It has been a busy couple of weeks. Somehow music seems to have taken over my life. Between my work schedule and my obligation to my kid I don't have much free time. Now music seems to be dominating the landscape and stealing away any free time I may have thought I had.
Any of you who are regular readers here know that I'm a busy guy. But lately it has been insane. Not the kind of insanity that they talk about in the rooms of recovery, but It could be if I don't stay centered in my recovery. For the while, I think this is a good kind of insanity. It is becoming clear that things I have intended to do in my life, for a very long time are coming to fruition.
I was walking into my favorite coffee shop this morning. As I got out of my car I immediately spotted the group of guys having coffee. I knew two of them but this was the kind of group I could spot a mile away, they were all just like me.
I was looking at a smiling, laughing group of junkies and drunks. All of whom woke up one day and through various circumstances and scenarios it came to be that they woke up for the last time to greet the last day they would ever take a drink or a drug.
That's how it always happens.
Call it God's plan.
Call it co-incidence.
Call it society intervening in your life for the last time and letting you know enough is enough in the likely instance that you can't figure it out for yourself.
Call it what ever you need to call it, but believe it.
The one guy of the group I knew well, spotted me. He is one of the old timers in the fellowship which I attend. He smiled greeted me and shook my hand.
He then asked me that inevitable question,
"How are you doing?"
I love that question. But, before I could answer he said,
"I always ask that question but I can tell by your demeanor and body language that you are doing great. It is good to see. So what's going on? Why so happy?" He inquired.
I told him that I had been super busy getting ready for a concert which I played in Bushnell Park in Hartford on Saturday. I was filling in on bass for another band whose regular bass player had a previous commitment. I mentioned that's why he hasn't seen me a too many meetings in the last few weeks because I have been practicing and getting ready for this.
"And you never could have done this if you were using, could you have?"
No, I absolutely could not, I assured him. I used to get high and get lost in my head saying I wish I could do this or I wish I could do that. One of those wishes was "I wish I could play music in front of people."
He was psyched to see how happy I was.
"You see how it works? I remember you when you first came around. Just keep doing what you are doing and everything is going to fall into place for you. It is good to see you," he said as he bid me farewell.
It is true there are things that are happening in my life which I absolutely could not do if I were still using. The joy and freedom I experienced playing on a real stage with a real sound system (Two 500 watt cones on each side of the stage stacked on top of 4 - 15 inch speakers at 1000 watts each) in front of a large and appreciative crowd of smiling faces. All of this would disappear if I picked up.
First, I was playing in a group where the core of the musicians are in recovery. They wouldn't want to play with me if I were using. I doubt would have the motivation to go out and get my own gigs or seek out other musicians. No one would want to play with me because I would be all screwed up. Then I would be back to hiding in the dark playing for myself.
I did something crazy today. I was looking through Facebook and came across a request from and old Deadhead acquaintance.
When I knew this guy, he was a liar, a cheat and probably many other things that I had yet to find out about him. I don't know if he has some kind of mental illness which prevents him from remembering some of the warped stuff he did to me or my friends, but he reached out to me anyway.
I took the higher road and approved the request. I have changed and continue to work on changing. Perhaps he has as well.
They say everything happens for a reason. This is a true story.
I began flipping through this guy's friends list on FB and I came across a smiling face I recognized - David Frieberg. If you are not familiar with David Frieberg, he is a musician who played and sang vocals with Quicksilver Messenger Service back in the 60s and continues to do so this day.
About two years ago, I went to the 40th anniversary of the Summer of Love concert at the Fairgrounds in Northampton, MA.
It's a Beautiful Day, Tom Constanten, Big Brother, Quicksilver and Jefferson whatever the latest incarnation of their name is, played. Paul Kantner and Marty Balin were there, no Jorma, Jack or Grace though.
The crowd was small but enthusiastic. David Frieberg played a big part playing with multiple groups that day.
I was freshly out of detox for what would be the second to last time. I was about a month clean, going to meetings and really struggling to do the right thing. I was at the show with a friend who was telling me,
"You need to do this and you need to do that to get your shit together," all the while forgetting that we had snorted oxys together on a couple of occaisions and once asked me if I could cop him some heroin.
I was checking out the musicians to see what they were playing hoping to pick up some licks. I must have looked pretty serious, perhaps even like I wasn't having a good time.
At that very moment, I looked up and David Frieberg was staring right at me making eye contact. Then he pointed his index fingers upward at his mouth, indicating that I should smile and I seem to recall, sing along as well.
It cracked me up and I did smile.
And I did sing along ... Come on people, now, smile on your brother let us try to get together and love one another, right now."
It was once of those special moments where I first felt that as a clean and sober person, I wanted something that someone else had. Something intangible that can not be bought or sold. The only way I was going to be able to do what David Frieberg did for me that day was going to be to break out of my shell and get up in front of people and play some music.
The show was over early and it very well may have even been that night or perhaps even the next Saturday night that I went to an open mic at the local sober club where I got up in front of the crowd and played three of my songs.
All of the musicians there were humble, and encouraging. None believing it was my first public appearance. They encouraged me and told be to keep coming. Where have I heard that before?
It was that night I met one of the musicians who fronts the band I played with last weekend.
The crazy thing I did, which I referenced earlier, was to contact David Frieberg and tell him this story. I have a feeling he will appreciate it as much as I appreciated the kindness in his smile during that warm summer eve.
I want to keep what I have so I am going to keep giving it away. Especially if all I have to offer at the moment is the kindness of smile to someone in the audience who looks like they may need one.
Thanks for your time.
Pablo
"Wow" Gomer thought. He closed the laptop and gathered up his things. He smiled to himself and checked his own inventory and recalled that kind of band audience interaction he had experienced so many times. He vowed to be more conscious of this situation in the future having been shown just how profound such an act can alter someone's path,
He wondered if Sveltie was going to be around. He would like to see her. Then he thought of Miranda and her wonderful smile and loving acceptance of his shortcomings. He had to push thoughts of pursuing some private time with Sveltie out of his head, He then made a vow to himself to make his brief visit in Muskrat Flats to be one where he could take care of business.
He also decided if anyone deserved a life changing smile of his from the stage, the only one he could think of right away was Miranda.
So he went down his todo list and made a hasty plan to get cracking so as soon as possible he would be ...
Running Hard Out of Muskrat Flats.
Coley Blackstone and his dog Chubby are doing fine. They are still going for their morning walks to the Odd Fellows' Hall. Coley still occasionally indulges himself by deftly yet discreetly plucking an interesting piece of paper out of a trash can he passes. I say indulges himself because he is working very hard to get to the root of his obsessions and compulsions. Chubby always offers never ending validation as he looks up lovingly while chewing on his plastic banana.
Moe Eckstein and Sid, his best buddy, are still holding court in the Banquet Hall every morning amid the the omnipresent aroma of freshly baked blueberry muffins.
The Memorial Day concert is still quite the topic of conversation when the town was overrun as word got out that the featured band for the evening, Odorono, was in reality the hippie jam band PRY.
Police were called in from local counties to control the crowd, early on. So things never really got all that out of hand.
They had a little mini Woodstock situation on their hands as about 10,000 more people than expected showed up for the event. The food vendors and local merchants were elated as their business for the day was brisk, giving a much needed bump in revenue during a period where the local economy had slowed down.
PRY did their best to keep everyone in line and did a fine job. Gomer was up on stage that night as well, bringing a big bottom to the band as they had two bass players for a major portion of the second set. Sveltie was up front, encouraging him while her husband was isolated in their house, much drunker than he intended or worse - promised he would get, that afternoon.
Later in the summer Silver Days was a success and the residents are now gearing up for the Fall Festival at the Farm Museum. Gomer took a few days off from PRY tour, where he is filling in for their bass player Lester Phillips, to do the annual Silver Days parachute jump and to perform that evening with his Hardcore Klezemer band Gomer Shabbos and the Hook Nosed Satans.
It wasn't quite the same situation as the Memorial Day concert, but there was a noticeable bump in attendance and there were a good amount of concert goers who were sporting PRY t-shirts.
As always, behind the scenes, a frequernt catalyst for shaping current days events in Muskrat Flats is the oft revered and even further maligned prankster, Sheriff Samuel Coleman Hawthorne III.
Gomer meandered into the Odd Fellows Hall, grabbed a coffee and a blueberry muffin. He was greeted by Iva Bartelby with a hug and a kiss. He spied Iva's husband, Sid and his father sitting in their usual spot, the table underneath Hawthorne's portrait and the two stuffed Jack-alopes.
He also spied Sveltie who was giving him that mischievous half smile. He went over and gave her a hug and chatted for a minute. He then reached into his sack and returned the wooden box containing what some perceive to be Sheriff Hawthorne's most recent prank on the modern day Flatlanders. They hugged again andGomer headed to greet his father.
Moe was locked and loaded.
"What's that all about, Sonny Boy?"
"It's nothing Dad ... I was returning that diary."
"Oy, that diary." Moe motioned with his thumb over his left shoulder,
"This guy, the Sheriff - he may have been a genius and did a lot of great things for this town, but he was fucking NUTS. He should have been locked up in some sanitarium or a looney bin. He is fucking with your lives with that crazy book."
"Daaaaddd!" Gomer wished he would shut the fuck up.
"Soooooooo ...." Gomer cringed. Here it comes, the clincher.
"How's Miranda? Does Sveltie know about you two, not that it matters to her since she's an adulterer too."
"Oh Dad, please can't you just let it go? Why can't you just give me a hug and tell me that you missed me?" Moe got up.
"Of course I can do that, I do love you, Sonny Boy." Moe said as he leaned in and grabbed his only son in a big bear hug. He whispered in Gomer's ear.
"I love you more than you will ever know. I just feel like I still need to protect you ... you're my baby." They broke apart.
"I know Dad, I know." Gomer wondered how long he was going to feel like a little kid.
"By the way, Dad, Miranda is fine. I'm going back to San Francisco in two days and she is going to accompany me on the last leg of the tour."
"That'll keep him out of trouble, eh Moe?" Sid chided.
Moe simply clicked his tongue against his teeth and grunted.
"Soooooo Sonny Boy ... " Gomer thought, what the fuck now? I thought we were done. He relaxed and even laughed when his father finished the sentence.
"What do you think about Mackenzie Phillips and Papa John Speedball? And you think your childhood was fucked up?"
"Oh Dad ..." Gomer admonished as the conversation meandered into less controversial territory.
Moe and Sid got up a little while later for their weekly run to Costco.
Gomer flipped 0pen his laptop and went through his mail. He got a correspondence from his buddy Pablo, a musician he had met at a recovery convention in the Northeast.
Hey Gomer, I just wanted to drop you a line and let you know I'm thinking about you. I hope things are going well with PRY. We'll see you at the Satans show in Burlington next month. In the meantime check out my latest blog. He clicked on the link and the blog popped up and began to read.
Monday Morning You Sure Look Fine
It has been a busy couple of weeks. Somehow music seems to have taken over my life. Between my work schedule and my obligation to my kid I don't have much free time. Now music seems to be dominating the landscape and stealing away any free time I may have thought I had.
Any of you who are regular readers here know that I'm a busy guy. But lately it has been insane. Not the kind of insanity that they talk about in the rooms of recovery, but It could be if I don't stay centered in my recovery. For the while, I think this is a good kind of insanity. It is becoming clear that things I have intended to do in my life, for a very long time are coming to fruition.
I was walking into my favorite coffee shop this morning. As I got out of my car I immediately spotted the group of guys having coffee. I knew two of them but this was the kind of group I could spot a mile away, they were all just like me.
I was looking at a smiling, laughing group of junkies and drunks. All of whom woke up one day and through various circumstances and scenarios it came to be that they woke up for the last time to greet the last day they would ever take a drink or a drug.
That's how it always happens.
Call it God's plan.
Call it co-incidence.
Call it society intervening in your life for the last time and letting you know enough is enough in the likely instance that you can't figure it out for yourself.
Call it what ever you need to call it, but believe it.
The one guy of the group I knew well, spotted me. He is one of the old timers in the fellowship which I attend. He smiled greeted me and shook my hand.
He then asked me that inevitable question,
"How are you doing?"
I love that question. But, before I could answer he said,
"I always ask that question but I can tell by your demeanor and body language that you are doing great. It is good to see. So what's going on? Why so happy?" He inquired.
I told him that I had been super busy getting ready for a concert which I played in Bushnell Park in Hartford on Saturday. I was filling in on bass for another band whose regular bass player had a previous commitment. I mentioned that's why he hasn't seen me a too many meetings in the last few weeks because I have been practicing and getting ready for this.
"And you never could have done this if you were using, could you have?"
No, I absolutely could not, I assured him. I used to get high and get lost in my head saying I wish I could do this or I wish I could do that. One of those wishes was "I wish I could play music in front of people."
He was psyched to see how happy I was.
"You see how it works? I remember you when you first came around. Just keep doing what you are doing and everything is going to fall into place for you. It is good to see you," he said as he bid me farewell.
It is true there are things that are happening in my life which I absolutely could not do if I were still using. The joy and freedom I experienced playing on a real stage with a real sound system (Two 500 watt cones on each side of the stage stacked on top of 4 - 15 inch speakers at 1000 watts each) in front of a large and appreciative crowd of smiling faces. All of this would disappear if I picked up.
First, I was playing in a group where the core of the musicians are in recovery. They wouldn't want to play with me if I were using. I doubt would have the motivation to go out and get my own gigs or seek out other musicians. No one would want to play with me because I would be all screwed up. Then I would be back to hiding in the dark playing for myself.
I did something crazy today. I was looking through Facebook and came across a request from and old Deadhead acquaintance.
When I knew this guy, he was a liar, a cheat and probably many other things that I had yet to find out about him. I don't know if he has some kind of mental illness which prevents him from remembering some of the warped stuff he did to me or my friends, but he reached out to me anyway.
I took the higher road and approved the request. I have changed and continue to work on changing. Perhaps he has as well.
They say everything happens for a reason. This is a true story.
I began flipping through this guy's friends list on FB and I came across a smiling face I recognized - David Frieberg. If you are not familiar with David Frieberg, he is a musician who played and sang vocals with Quicksilver Messenger Service back in the 60s and continues to do so this day.
About two years ago, I went to the 40th anniversary of the Summer of Love concert at the Fairgrounds in Northampton, MA.
It's a Beautiful Day, Tom Constanten, Big Brother, Quicksilver and Jefferson whatever the latest incarnation of their name is, played. Paul Kantner and Marty Balin were there, no Jorma, Jack or Grace though.
The crowd was small but enthusiastic. David Frieberg played a big part playing with multiple groups that day.
I was freshly out of detox for what would be the second to last time. I was about a month clean, going to meetings and really struggling to do the right thing. I was at the show with a friend who was telling me,
"You need to do this and you need to do that to get your shit together," all the while forgetting that we had snorted oxys together on a couple of occaisions and once asked me if I could cop him some heroin.
I was checking out the musicians to see what they were playing hoping to pick up some licks. I must have looked pretty serious, perhaps even like I wasn't having a good time.
At that very moment, I looked up and David Frieberg was staring right at me making eye contact. Then he pointed his index fingers upward at his mouth, indicating that I should smile and I seem to recall, sing along as well.
It cracked me up and I did smile.
And I did sing along ... Come on people, now, smile on your brother let us try to get together and love one another, right now."
It was once of those special moments where I first felt that as a clean and sober person, I wanted something that someone else had. Something intangible that can not be bought or sold. The only way I was going to be able to do what David Frieberg did for me that day was going to be to break out of my shell and get up in front of people and play some music.
The show was over early and it very well may have even been that night or perhaps even the next Saturday night that I went to an open mic at the local sober club where I got up in front of the crowd and played three of my songs.
All of the musicians there were humble, and encouraging. None believing it was my first public appearance. They encouraged me and told be to keep coming. Where have I heard that before?
It was that night I met one of the musicians who fronts the band I played with last weekend.
The crazy thing I did, which I referenced earlier, was to contact David Frieberg and tell him this story. I have a feeling he will appreciate it as much as I appreciated the kindness in his smile during that warm summer eve.
I want to keep what I have so I am going to keep giving it away. Especially if all I have to offer at the moment is the kindness of smile to someone in the audience who looks like they may need one.
Thanks for your time.
Pablo
"Wow" Gomer thought. He closed the laptop and gathered up his things. He smiled to himself and checked his own inventory and recalled that kind of band audience interaction he had experienced so many times. He vowed to be more conscious of this situation in the future having been shown just how profound such an act can alter someone's path,
He wondered if Sveltie was going to be around. He would like to see her. Then he thought of Miranda and her wonderful smile and loving acceptance of his shortcomings. He had to push thoughts of pursuing some private time with Sveltie out of his head, He then made a vow to himself to make his brief visit in Muskrat Flats to be one where he could take care of business.
He also decided if anyone deserved a life changing smile of his from the stage, the only one he could think of right away was Miranda.
So he went down his todo list and made a hasty plan to get cracking so as soon as possible he would be ...
Running Hard Out of Muskrat Flats.
Monday, July 20, 2009
"I've got no chance of losing, this time."
Last week, I faced one of the most arduous tests of strength during my ongoing recovery than I think I have ever encountered. I have faced less lethal situations in the past and failed but those were different times. Then, I thought I could get away with it, I thought I could beat the odds, so to speak. The situation of which I speak was my one year anniversary ... 365 consecutive days without drugs or alcohol.
I say it was a test of Strength because all kinds of crazy thoughts were going through my head in the days leading up to the anniversary including but not limited to picking up that drug and doing just a little more research to see if things may have changed in a year.
But I have been recovering, not abstaining. I have been doing work to insure that thoughts like these, "the thought that pulled the trigger," don't get the best of me. Working at recovery has given me the tools to combat such thoughts.
It was an interesting week that is for sure. There were successes and triumphs as well as setbacks some major and some minor, but I didn't let the setbacks draw me into to a dark mode of thinking or take me to a place where I feel comfortable, alone with my thoughts and would be solutions. That place is comfortable indeed. You see, everyone there understands me. I don't have to yell, I don't have to argue. When I am in that cozy room of solitude, I don't even have to finish my sentences ... yet, I am heard loud and clear like a crisp echo bouncing off of a distant canyon wall. Thoughts of visiting this dark place are why we work one day at a time. As I have found out, I managed to do it one day at a time, 365 times in a row.
The other successes - We finally came up with a band name. It is the Glenwood Mills Band. We play an eclectic mix of jazzy jams, blues, reggae, country encompassing both original material as well as some covers.
I like to call it Sedentary Rock, music that will extricate you from the couch, but not necessarily cause you to get up dance like a whirling dervish. unless you are a 20 something hippie chick, of course. They can wildly dance to music which consists a cowbell, a couple of djembes and someone humming through a black plastic comb wrapped in tissue paper ... and make it look good.
The setbacks were minimal with the exception of my finally coming to terms with the fact that, unless he tells me or demonstrates otherwise, we have lost the rhythm guitar player in the band. He was the catalyst who originally brought this group of musicians together.
I can understand his frustration and He is a busy guy, just like the rest of us.
Our last gig was unorganized, we were playing outdoors in the late afternoon. We were scheduled to play at 3:30. The timing got screwed up and we were put in a position where we had to start earlier. Only two of the folks in the band got the message. When we all got there and set up, we had to alter our two sets of music down to one abbreviated set, half of which the guitar player didn't know because he had missed so many practices. Sounds like fun, huh! After all that is what it is supposed to be, isn't it ... fun? We ended up playing a great set of music in front of about 10 people.
A few days later, I was talking to Stuntman Steve Sanderson, a professional musician who has been on the front lines of performing with his band Drunk Stuntmen, for the better part of the last two decades. He asked me how the gig went. I told him of the woes with the timing and two of the musicians showing up when we were supposed to start, the frustrated guitar player who was upset about the set list which included songs he really didn't know, and the fact that there were four more people in the audience than were in the band.
He started laughing and simply said, "Welcome to my world. How does it feel?"
How does it feel?
It feels fucking GREAT!
I want to go out of the way to make sure that the guitar player feels at ease about his decision. I understand. I really do. At the same time, I need him to understand how profoundly I have been affected by his early willingness to lay the foundation for getting the band together. My life has changed dramatically.
I have always been into music. I have "jammed" with various people over the course of the years along the way absorbing different musical nuances and styles. I have figured out the type of musician I like to play with and who I Don't want to play with. I have picked up aspects of music theory, some licks and most importantly confidence in both my voice and what is happening with my hands. The funny part is, it took me twenty years rather than the few short years of suffering through music lessons and an unyielding practice schedule most people endure.
I have taken music lessons in the past. For the most part they were not fun. This probably had to do with the teachers I had.
This is also partially due to the fact that I have always had other artistic interests. Between the writing, flame working glass and music, I have developed a self imposed brand of creative schizophrenia. I go through phases when one aspect of creativity is always in the foreground while the others swirl around in the background, jockeying for postition on, at the very most, my list of priorities: at the very least my list of whims.
Right now the music dominates the landscape. I've been writing intermittently and for now, the torch sits idle.
But getting on a schedule with all three seems to be the natural progression of events fulfilling a goal I have set for myself.
When I rented studio 33 1/3 in Building 2 at the Indian Orchard Mills, someone asked me if I had a goal?
I set out to create a space where I could do glass work, writing and music. The goal was to make it all work within 5 years. By work, I mean, income generated by my activities at the studio would pay the rent, not necessarily my bills, but the rent and the minimal overhead associated with the Studio. I remember Jerry Garcia belting out that encore which everyone hated in the early 80s ... you know the one that had the lyrics,
"Keep your Day Job until your night job pays." Good advice Jerry.
It is happening. I am gaining notoriety as a glass artist. An example being, I am doing a Flame working presentation at a Child Care center next week. (Please ... No Clown suit jokes from the Peanut Gallery.)
I am going to put together a powerpoint presentation along with some tangible examples of what I do. A few weeks later I have a three hour lesson planned as well as inquiries from others regarding lessons and renting torch time and the time is upon me when I must begin to build up an inventory for the Fall Show and the upcoming Holiday gift giving season.
Greg Saulmon of Local Buzz fame, a free Arts and Culture newspaper which is no longer in print but thriving online as a featured department on Masslive.Com, mentioned my writing in an article he wrote a few weeks ago. It was in an article which was a salute to may father Garry P. Brown. The passage read
676: Number of words into Garry Brown offspring Paul Brown's stunning essay "State Fair" when Coliseum Charlie makes an appearance: "They would be sitting in the same seats where 'Coliseum Charlie' would sway behind his tower of empty beer cups drunkenly swinging his tee shirt above his head cheering for the Indians as Eddie Shore looked on in disgust and yelled for him to put his shirt back on, but he let Charlie come back every week. At least his feet weren't on the seats."
That day my website got over 80 hits from curious onlookers. Hopefully they read something that made them laugh, cry, think, cringe, and perhaps even turn away in either embarrassment or disgust. Who knows how they felt when they left?
And, again there is the music. I was at an open mic the other night, as an audience member, when I walked by a stranger and he greeted me by name. A good friend who just finished a tour, with his band, in Europe simply said,
"Get used to people knowing your name first ... It is part of the parcel with this whole "notoriety" thing. You deserve it."
I described how I got to playing music, slowly - at my own pace. I never stopped doing it because I wasn't good enough or it was too hard. I love doing it.
I finally broke out of my shell getting up there on stage and wanking on the guitar singing my songs at a couple of different open mics. As my guitar playing skills improved, apparently so did my latent bass playing skills. People have noticed. I have been asked by one of the folks who I met through an open mic to be the alternate bass player in her band. It is a band which plays Recovery/Sober Festivals. My first gig with them is September 25th.
As it stands now, three years into the 5 year plan, things are starting to come together and not seem quite as schizophrenic.
Even though my friend has decided he no longer wants to play in the band, his efforts to initially get us together was the catalyst for manifestation of the wonderful things which are about to happen because I now know I have the skill, confidence and willingness to get on the stage and do my thing.
As long as I have my noodles and my fingers cooperate, that situation is not going to change.
Perhaps my higher power put him in my life in the context of the band to give me the opportunity to grow. Just as his higher power may have put him in this situation so he could better understand concepts of patience and tolerance.
I love him and consider him a dear friend, none of that has changed. Hopefully he benefited from the shared experience in ways which are neither obvious to others and will be cherished for a lifetime.
Finally, I want to mention the passing of a friend, Jennarow Jerome King, who died a young man as he lost a battle with cancer. I understand it was a battle, as he fought to the very end.
J.J. was a fine man. He was a loving husband, father, child and sibling and will be missed by all who had the unique pleasure of meeting him, knowing him and loving him.
I send my love and blessing to Heidi and JJ's family.
It is a beautiful day outside. I think I'll slow it down a bit and take a leisurely stroll rather than speeding things up and ...
Running Hard Out of Muskrat Flats.
Pablo
I say it was a test of Strength because all kinds of crazy thoughts were going through my head in the days leading up to the anniversary including but not limited to picking up that drug and doing just a little more research to see if things may have changed in a year.
But I have been recovering, not abstaining. I have been doing work to insure that thoughts like these, "the thought that pulled the trigger," don't get the best of me. Working at recovery has given me the tools to combat such thoughts.
It was an interesting week that is for sure. There were successes and triumphs as well as setbacks some major and some minor, but I didn't let the setbacks draw me into to a dark mode of thinking or take me to a place where I feel comfortable, alone with my thoughts and would be solutions. That place is comfortable indeed. You see, everyone there understands me. I don't have to yell, I don't have to argue. When I am in that cozy room of solitude, I don't even have to finish my sentences ... yet, I am heard loud and clear like a crisp echo bouncing off of a distant canyon wall. Thoughts of visiting this dark place are why we work one day at a time. As I have found out, I managed to do it one day at a time, 365 times in a row.
The other successes - We finally came up with a band name. It is the Glenwood Mills Band. We play an eclectic mix of jazzy jams, blues, reggae, country encompassing both original material as well as some covers.
I like to call it Sedentary Rock, music that will extricate you from the couch, but not necessarily cause you to get up dance like a whirling dervish. unless you are a 20 something hippie chick, of course. They can wildly dance to music which consists a cowbell, a couple of djembes and someone humming through a black plastic comb wrapped in tissue paper ... and make it look good.
The setbacks were minimal with the exception of my finally coming to terms with the fact that, unless he tells me or demonstrates otherwise, we have lost the rhythm guitar player in the band. He was the catalyst who originally brought this group of musicians together.
I can understand his frustration and He is a busy guy, just like the rest of us.
Our last gig was unorganized, we were playing outdoors in the late afternoon. We were scheduled to play at 3:30. The timing got screwed up and we were put in a position where we had to start earlier. Only two of the folks in the band got the message. When we all got there and set up, we had to alter our two sets of music down to one abbreviated set, half of which the guitar player didn't know because he had missed so many practices. Sounds like fun, huh! After all that is what it is supposed to be, isn't it ... fun? We ended up playing a great set of music in front of about 10 people.
A few days later, I was talking to Stuntman Steve Sanderson, a professional musician who has been on the front lines of performing with his band Drunk Stuntmen, for the better part of the last two decades. He asked me how the gig went. I told him of the woes with the timing and two of the musicians showing up when we were supposed to start, the frustrated guitar player who was upset about the set list which included songs he really didn't know, and the fact that there were four more people in the audience than were in the band.
He started laughing and simply said, "Welcome to my world. How does it feel?"
How does it feel?
It feels fucking GREAT!
I want to go out of the way to make sure that the guitar player feels at ease about his decision. I understand. I really do. At the same time, I need him to understand how profoundly I have been affected by his early willingness to lay the foundation for getting the band together. My life has changed dramatically.
I have always been into music. I have "jammed" with various people over the course of the years along the way absorbing different musical nuances and styles. I have figured out the type of musician I like to play with and who I Don't want to play with. I have picked up aspects of music theory, some licks and most importantly confidence in both my voice and what is happening with my hands. The funny part is, it took me twenty years rather than the few short years of suffering through music lessons and an unyielding practice schedule most people endure.
I have taken music lessons in the past. For the most part they were not fun. This probably had to do with the teachers I had.
This is also partially due to the fact that I have always had other artistic interests. Between the writing, flame working glass and music, I have developed a self imposed brand of creative schizophrenia. I go through phases when one aspect of creativity is always in the foreground while the others swirl around in the background, jockeying for postition on, at the very most, my list of priorities: at the very least my list of whims.
Right now the music dominates the landscape. I've been writing intermittently and for now, the torch sits idle.
But getting on a schedule with all three seems to be the natural progression of events fulfilling a goal I have set for myself.
When I rented studio 33 1/3 in Building 2 at the Indian Orchard Mills, someone asked me if I had a goal?
I set out to create a space where I could do glass work, writing and music. The goal was to make it all work within 5 years. By work, I mean, income generated by my activities at the studio would pay the rent, not necessarily my bills, but the rent and the minimal overhead associated with the Studio. I remember Jerry Garcia belting out that encore which everyone hated in the early 80s ... you know the one that had the lyrics,
"Keep your Day Job until your night job pays." Good advice Jerry.
It is happening. I am gaining notoriety as a glass artist. An example being, I am doing a Flame working presentation at a Child Care center next week. (Please ... No Clown suit jokes from the Peanut Gallery.)
I am going to put together a powerpoint presentation along with some tangible examples of what I do. A few weeks later I have a three hour lesson planned as well as inquiries from others regarding lessons and renting torch time and the time is upon me when I must begin to build up an inventory for the Fall Show and the upcoming Holiday gift giving season.
Greg Saulmon of Local Buzz fame, a free Arts and Culture newspaper which is no longer in print but thriving online as a featured department on Masslive.Com, mentioned my writing in an article he wrote a few weeks ago. It was in an article which was a salute to may father Garry P. Brown. The passage read
676: Number of words into Garry Brown offspring Paul Brown's stunning essay "State Fair" when Coliseum Charlie makes an appearance: "They would be sitting in the same seats where 'Coliseum Charlie' would sway behind his tower of empty beer cups drunkenly swinging his tee shirt above his head cheering for the Indians as Eddie Shore looked on in disgust and yelled for him to put his shirt back on, but he let Charlie come back every week. At least his feet weren't on the seats."
That day my website got over 80 hits from curious onlookers. Hopefully they read something that made them laugh, cry, think, cringe, and perhaps even turn away in either embarrassment or disgust. Who knows how they felt when they left?
And, again there is the music. I was at an open mic the other night, as an audience member, when I walked by a stranger and he greeted me by name. A good friend who just finished a tour, with his band, in Europe simply said,
"Get used to people knowing your name first ... It is part of the parcel with this whole "notoriety" thing. You deserve it."
I described how I got to playing music, slowly - at my own pace. I never stopped doing it because I wasn't good enough or it was too hard. I love doing it.
I finally broke out of my shell getting up there on stage and wanking on the guitar singing my songs at a couple of different open mics. As my guitar playing skills improved, apparently so did my latent bass playing skills. People have noticed. I have been asked by one of the folks who I met through an open mic to be the alternate bass player in her band. It is a band which plays Recovery/Sober Festivals. My first gig with them is September 25th.
As it stands now, three years into the 5 year plan, things are starting to come together and not seem quite as schizophrenic.
Even though my friend has decided he no longer wants to play in the band, his efforts to initially get us together was the catalyst for manifestation of the wonderful things which are about to happen because I now know I have the skill, confidence and willingness to get on the stage and do my thing.
As long as I have my noodles and my fingers cooperate, that situation is not going to change.
Perhaps my higher power put him in my life in the context of the band to give me the opportunity to grow. Just as his higher power may have put him in this situation so he could better understand concepts of patience and tolerance.
I love him and consider him a dear friend, none of that has changed. Hopefully he benefited from the shared experience in ways which are neither obvious to others and will be cherished for a lifetime.
Finally, I want to mention the passing of a friend, Jennarow Jerome King, who died a young man as he lost a battle with cancer. I understand it was a battle, as he fought to the very end.
J.J. was a fine man. He was a loving husband, father, child and sibling and will be missed by all who had the unique pleasure of meeting him, knowing him and loving him.
I send my love and blessing to Heidi and JJ's family.
It is a beautiful day outside. I think I'll slow it down a bit and take a leisurely stroll rather than speeding things up and ...
Running Hard Out of Muskrat Flats.
Pablo
Monday, June 15, 2009
One Bill Makes You Larger and One Bill Makes You Small ....
Gomer Eckstein sat underneath the oil portrait of Samuel Coleman Hawthorne the III. He was wearing a black t-shirt, black cargo shorts and army boots. His long black cloak was folded on the back of the empty chair to his left. His clarinet was in its case on the table and the hard case containing his four-string Fender Jazz bass was leaning against the wall. He was holding a newspaper as if he were reading it, but he was distracted.
He rubbed his eyes, thankful for the 10 hours of sleep he had gotten the night before. He held the newspaper, a flimsy and thin document, a tabloid style rendering of the paper he had grown up reading. The very same paper which had been two dailies and a whopping 2 inch thick Sunday paper at the height of its publication. He remembered breaking his back as he delivered the Sunday Journal, so many years ago. He put down the paper and tousled his long wavy black hair.
He had been staring at the portrait of Hawthorne, fixated on the name in the lower right hand corner of the canvas, the artist and alleged infamous vampire, Jean Luc Lemay. His thoughts swirled. He thought of Miranda, he thought of his father, who used to write for this paper before he achieved national notoriety back in the 60s. He thought of Allie a long lost running buddy who appeared to still be lost. He thought of Sveltie, also known as Mrs. Jenny Smith, his friend Jerry's wife, with whom he just planned some post show intimacy. He heard his sponsor in his head admonishing him.
"I love you man, you know what I'm saying. You want to hear God laugh? Take back your will and make some plans. With plans come a set of expectations and when you have expectations you are always going to get let down. So go ahead, make those plans. and call me when you are so hurt you want to use."
"Fuck!" Gomer thought to himself. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, what am I doing?"
He once again picked up the paper and felt the thickness of its meager pages in his hands. Its size reminded him of one of the inserts he used to have to stuff inside of the Sunday Journal before he delivered them.
"Fucking paperboys have it so easy these days ..." he mused as his train of thought was interrupted by his dad.
"Reading Poor David's Almanac?" Gomer's confusion at the question registered in his face. Moe continued,
"David L'Etoile ... the Publisher of that rag. He is going to save $300,000 a year on newsprint going to that format, that is what Crazy Jerry in the press room told me." Moe quickly wiped his nose with a hanky.
"You can't even swat a fly with that shit, and all the typos, heh! Where's the editing? Headlines with spelling errors ... it's not the newspaper I worked for ... " He moaned before he spied someone familiar walking toward them.
"Hey... will you look at this, it's another rock star, How are you doing Lee?"
Gomer looked up as his good friend Burleigh Coggins, the lead guitar player for the band PRY, the band playing at the Memorial Day festivities that evening. Lee reached out to shake Moe's hand.
"I'm fine Mr. Eckstein. I read your last article in Mother Jones, it was great ..." He looked down as if he were wondering whether or not to finish the sentence, but Lee did.
"I'm so glad you are feeling better and looking healthy." Gomer smiled. He knew that Burliegh felt that if anyone in the room were a rock star, it was his father, Moe. Burleigh revered Moe's status as the writer who in Lee's opinion was the voice of an entire generation.
Moe turned as he greeted Fennel Santori, the drummer in PRY.
"Well ... Hello, my dear." Moe bent down to kiss Fennel on the cheek. He ran his fingers through her bundle of blond and purple dreadlocks. "Oh, you kids with your crazy hair ... it works for me, Fennel," Moe said with a wink. Fennel squeezed Moe tighter and said,
"Moe, if my wife ever leaves me, I promise I will marry you." He snorted a quick laugh, giving her dreads a playful tug.
"Who said anything about getting married?" They all chuckled. The rest of the folks in the room turned to see why the volume in the corner of the Banquet room at the Odd Fellows hall, suddenly increased.
Donnie and Paul having graduated to status of official kitchen workers felt it was their duty to keep the new dishwashers Joe and Corey in check as they were obviously star struck by the appearance of Lee, Fennel and the guy who was now walking through the door, the keyboard player for PRY Skimpy Cooper. He looked and waved as Corey shouted out "Hey Skimp!" and twirled his fingers in the air as if he were playing a keyboard.
By now, Gomer was standing. Skimpy shook Moe's hand and smiled. He looked great.
He hugged Gomer and whispered in his ear,
"How are you doing, my brother? Hanging?"
"I was hanging one day last summer, fortunately the tree limb broke." They all laughed. Lee and Skimpy high fived each other as they recalled the blog Gomer had written about the botched reenactment of Sherrif Hawthorne's hanging at last year's Fall Festival. Moe excused himself.
The four musicians sat down at the table and began catching up.
"Where is Les? Gomer asked inquiring about their bass player.
Lee looked over at Skimpy and then to Fennel. Gomer felt the tension and regretted asking the question.
"Les is still sleeping. He has been having a rough time lately," Fennel offered.
"He has been talking about going to detox the last couple of days but he feels like he needs to finish the tour, we're on the road for another two months." Lee said.
"What is he into?" Gomer asked knowing that booze would be the first answer.
"Oxys, which he is washing down with booze." Fennel said.
Gomer stared off processing the information. Skimpy shook his head. "I love the guy. I want to help him but He has to make his own decision."
Skimpy was thinking about when he had checked out and forced the band to take a hiatus. All the while he thought Les really resented him for that. Skimpy finally knocked on Les' door one day after a year long sojourn where he anonymously hitchhiked and walked across the country. Taking odd jobs as a means of supporting his new lifestyle, focusing on his recovery.
The day Skimpy knocked on Les' door. He opened it and simply stared at Skimpy for about 20 seconds before he began to weep, hugging his band mate and telling him how grateful he was to see him alive. Les had always been the anchor, the unwavering foundation of the band. Now his life was in jeopardy.
Gomer fidgeted a little. Fennel reached out and held his hand. "
If Les decides to go and we hope he does, I'm afraid he'll kill himself... will you play the rest of the tour?"
Gomer was shocked by the offer. Lee leaned in, "We finish up with a week long run in San Francisco ..." he wheedled.
Skimpy chimed in, "We've talked about it, Les wants you to be the guy."
"Wow," Gomer thought. He had to think hard about this. Lee and Fennel, he knew they still smoked pot, but Skimpy he was solidly in recovery as well as a couple of members of their crew. He was still reeling from the temptations of his last tour. And the kids on PRY tour, well they were hard core. His interaction with the tour kids, was probably Les' downfall as he always had a strong connection to what was going on in the parking lot outside their shows.
This connection was where Gomer had fucked up in the past, a door which he had closed but felt straining to open the last couple of days before he had met up with Miranda. Oh, Miranda ... the fact that they would finish in San Francisco definitely made their offer most appealing.
"What do you think?" Lee asked.
"I think about the tour kids, you know people places and things. But that's what they talk about as far as life on life's terms."
"Yes they do, I hear you loud and clear brother." Skimpy offered.
Lee and Fennel kind of looked at each other. They both realized that this arrangement with Gomer could change the dynamic of the band, the power structure. They had always been the ones who could drink and use safely. In fact they had slowed down considerably leading relatively sober lives, partially out of respect for Skimpy's situation and partially because it seemed like the thing to do, they weren't getting any younger.
Fennel cut out all of the pills and booze, Lee never really drank to begin with and was somewhat traumatized by Skimpy's drug use as he tried to get a glimpse into his world by experimenting with Skimpy on occasion only to feel like he was on the verge of death, one time seeking medical intervention as Skimpy just laughed and told him to calm down ... he would "be all right in a few minutes."
But Lee and Fennel still used. They had always been the sane ones, the ones who had their feet planted firmly on the ground. They had fought tooth and nail with Skimpy when he was all fucked up. They argued, they issued ultimatums and threats. They begged and pleaded for him to stop using dope. He cleaned up for a while and then relapsed while on tour. Nodding out on stage, constantly being late because he was out copping or just laying in the dressing room in an heroin stupor. At the time, Skimpy resented them for that and didn't want to do the same thing to Les, instead calmly and discreetly trying to carry a positive message to his sick and suffering band mate.
Lee and Fennel weren't prepared for the change they saw in Skimpy when he came back from his hiatus. They liked it. He brought a new and fresh energy to the band. as well as a new language with his lyrics, some of which Lee considered "preachy." Now they were inviting someone who had the same experience as Skimpy, a recovering heroin addict, into the band. Someone who spoke the same language as he, a language which was both welcome, although unsettling and foreign at the same time. It was a language they feared they may not understand in the long run.
Fennel said, "Look, you don't have to answer right now. Let's just have fun tonight." they all agreed.
The show was supposed to be a surprise show. the band on the bill was called "Odorono" The oft forgotten if not willingly suppressed name of Fennel and Lee's high school garage band. they played a total of two gigs. Before there were personnel changes and their college careers sent them, in opposite geographical directions.
"Check this out," Fennel said as she handed Gomer a copy of the newspaper. "I know Morbid Morty says any press is good press, but this is an extreme example of the kind of shit we have had to deal with.
Gomer looked at the article. It was the police blotter from the previous day's Journal.
Gomer finished the article and looked at his three companions.
"What the Fuck? Guns, Five tanks of Nitrous? What's that all about?"
"We have had a big problem with the gas after the shows, lately. It seems to be that organized crime figures are targeting the audience. " Lee said. "The first night at Lakeside the scene was totally disgusting. One of the tour kids said it was these shady characters who were all guidoed out with black track suits and slicked back hair. Beyond that we really don't know how this happened?"
"If it happened in the Lot, I'm sure Les will tell us when he finds out." Skimpy said.
*********
The scene after the first show at the lakeside Pavilion was like any other night. The crowd was stumbling around, bouncing off of each other. Hot and sweaty ecstatic concert goers basking in the after show glow. They were drunk, high, tripping, some of them were even completely clean and sober and still had the same goofy smiles on their faces.
Everywhere inter-lot commerce was happening and business was brisk. Whether it was the basics of food and liquid refreshment, or other itrems such as clothing, memoribila, glass pipes or other eye candy such as hand formed glass jewelry and marbles. And yes, there were drugs being sold. It was all discreet, for the most part.
One of the tour kids, a "wookie" named Doodlebug was standing there with his open glass case. He was wearing some patchwork shorts with a couple of large cargo style pockets. Out of one of the pockets protruded and aluminum slingshot. He had long blond dreadlocks, a shaggy beard and regardless of the night, he was wearing a pair of dark shades. He was also wearing a t-shirt that said "Hippie Mafia."
Across Shakedown St., he heard the constant roar and hiss of opening and closing tanks of laughing gas, their contents being pumped into large punching bag ballons and being sold for 5 dollars each. He didn't see any cops around. He handed his glass case to his twenty something companion, Star, who was similarly dressed. She surveyed the situation and saw who was selling all of the gas.
"What the fuck, dude?" She queried to her boyfriend. "That's totally fucked up."
He was on his phone texting.
"Dude, I'm on shake near the second lot, check out these gassholes."
The response came instantly, from a wookie named Muskie.
"I c them"
A few seconds later, Muskie showed up and hugged his companion.
Doodlebug was irate,
"Dude, what the fuck? This is not good. It's bad enough when one of us does this but these fuckin' idiots bring some seriously bad vibes to the scene. Plus they are taking money out of the scene away from the kids who need it. The fuckin' custies don't give a shit either."
"Comon now, Doodle dude ... how much money did you make schwinging Molly tonight? Muskie queried in a low but reassuring tone. "I can't begrudge them for trying to make some cash, But I don't like it either, too high profile they'll bring the heat down on all of us. There's nothing we can do about it now."
He looked around at the scene. Everywhere there were balloons. Kids were lying on the ground. passed out, some convulsing. He saw one girl with a gash on her head where it hit the hood of a parked car. He looked around at the other tour kids struggling to sell the drinks, food and hand crafted items. All of the stuff that brings good vibes.
"Nope, Doodle I don't like it, it's too much." Just then a kid walked by bitching to his friend. Muskie overheard what he was saying.
"So fucking Tony Soprano over there had a handful of cash and he said I had to get two balloons cuz he didn't have time to make change for a $10."
"What a fucking cock. Someone should do something about that."
Muskie looked at Doodle. Doodle shook his head and spat on the ground and said,
"It's fucked up, dude."
"I know," Muskie responded, "I know ... They'll be here tomorrow, keep your eyes open. I think we can persuade them to, at the very least, give us an ... honorarium."
"Damn right, dude."Doodlebug began to laugh raising his hand in the air, they slapped each other's hands and shook. They hugged again. This time a bundle of cash went from Doodle's hand into Muskie's. With the other hand he delivered a package into Doodle's hand.
The next day as the pre-show marketplace began to unfold, two wookies noticed the white van pull into the lot. They texted Muskie who was there within minutes. Some of the other kids who had been there the night before noticed as well. Those wanting some of that sweet air began to gravitate in that direction.
The three gangsters were sitting in folding chairs outside the van, one was reading a newspaper. The other two were drinking and checking out the women walking by, when a kid rolled up.
"Hey man, you got any gas?" the one reading the paper, Vinnie, looked at the other two.
"Yo Rocco, Tone ...You believe this fucking guy? Does it look like we have any gas? You dumb hippie fuck? Get the fuck outta here, come back later." The kid scowled and slunk away cursing under his breath.
A number of other curious concert goers who remembered the trio from the night before got the same treatment. Each leaving pissed off. It was worse with some of the young women who approached them as they were turned away with ribald misogynist taunts included for good measure. The gassholes were not making any friends in the lot. All around them was a wonderful party. People playing music, dancing, getting revved up for the show and their presence was just a downer.
Vinnie got up and barked at his cohorts.
"Let's open it up for a few minutes." They began filling balloons at kids quickly ran over, some against their better judgment. After about 20 minutes they shut it down. They went back to reading the paper and basically doing nothing as most of the crowd headed toward the entrance to the amphitheater.
Vinnie looked up and saw a tall lanky dreadlocked kid with a beard wearing Ray Bans.
He said to the others, "Who the fuck is this guy?'
"My name is Muskie. Who are you? "
Vinnie, the big guy reading the paper, did all the talking. The other two just grunted and looked imposing.
"I'll tell you the same thing I've been telling the rest of you for the last 10 minutes. Store's closed, get the fuck outta here, come back after the show."
"My aren't we polite. You treat all of your customers like that?"
Vinnie did a double take. and scowled at Muskie.
"I don't want your gas. I'm here to talk business. You guys seem pretty vulnerable, out of your element, I'm here to offer you some protection. You pissed a lot of people off last night, and even more today."
"What the fuck?" One of the goons in the back blurted and lurched forward. Vinnie, raised his hand.
"Tony, stop!"
The guy in the back stopped in his tracks. Smoothed down his slicked back hair and primped his track suit. Vinnie started laughing.
"Protection, YOU are offering me protection? Are you fuckin' serious? Protection from who?"
"It would be a shame if you guys sold the contents of all of those tanks and your money disappeared before you got out of the parking lot." The three looked at each other and began to laugh. One of them leaned forward opening his track jacket slightly, briefly exposing a gun.
"I don't think that's gonna fuckin' happen kid, now get the fuck outta here."
"Oh, it will happen, trust me. You keep pissing people off and cause a big scene, you are sitting ducks, I'm not threatening you, I'm just pointing out what can happen if you don't work with me on this." One of the three was eye-balling him suspiciously. He looked around and saw at least five or six dreadies on the periphery intently watching the conversation.
"Yo, Vinnie, I think he's serious." He began to whisper. "Look around Boss, we're outnumbered.
"Ohhh," he exclaimed as he turned to his companion and slapped him on the shoulder. "Shut the fuck up! Of course he's fucking serious dumb ass, but you think he can REALLY do anything about it?"
"You should listen to your partner. What did you have last night 5- 6 tanks? (They had 10) I figure with breakage you probably averaged about 1000 bucks per tank? Give me $1500 and shut down for a few minutes every 10 minutes or so. What you can do is get the tanks away from the van ... set up in those trees over there have a couple of tanks going at the same time. That way if the cops move in you just leave the tanks, take the money and run. You do that and we have a deal. I suggest you accept my offer, after all you are doing business in MY neighborhood."
He tipped his sunglasses down and made eye contact with Vinnie as he said,
" You understand?"
The three looked at each other. Vinnie looked at Muskie and sized him up for a minute before he began to laugh and yelled,
"FUCK YOU!"
Muskie smiled and said, "If you change your mind, ask any of the kids selling food over there for me, they know how to find me. "
He walked away, shaking his head, as he heard once again,
"Fuck you , you believe this fuckin' guy?"
The trio did however take Muskie's's suggestion of moving the tanks into the trees.
Later in the evening the kids who didn't get into the show or chose not to go in, were milling about. Listening to music, dancing, drinking. It was about 10 o'clock. They heard the whining roar of a freshly tapped tank of nitrous. Gopher and his brothers in the lot watched for a few minutes. They had two tanks going.
The three nitrous vendors were chattering at each other. Vinnie was collecting the money and the other two were filling the balloons.
Muskie handed his girl a $50 bill which he'd just dosed with liquid LSD
"You know what to do? You, Amanda, have the bottle that is dosed, be careful don't spray anyone else or your self it is strong. "
She walked over with three of her friends. She patiently waited a minute. She handed the big guy the fifty. He really didn't notice that the bill was wet. Nor did he notice the girl was wearing rubber gloves. She asked for three balloons. He put the fifty in his pocket. He withdrew his hand from the pocket, instinctively licked his moistened thumb before he peeled off a couple of bills for change. Rocco and Tony were were in the dense trees, sweating in warm May evening. Two of the girls were giggling and bouncing around. One produced a squirt bottle and started spraying her companion with water.
"oh, that feels good, Amanda said. She produced another and said,
"You guys look hot." She took aim and squirted two blasts of the psychedelic solution in the face of each of the guys on the tanks.
"What the fuck? Knock that shit off, get the fuck outta here." Tony wiped his face. He took a direct hit to the eye, Rocco was wiping the liquid off of his upper lip and mouth. The girls scurried letting the balloons deflate and getting rid of the rubber gloves they were all wearing as the LSD began working its way into the narrow and feeble brains of the mobbed up nitrous vendors.
The show got out about about 45 minutes later. Shakedown St. filled up again with the stumbling smiling masses. And a good chunk of them wanted some laughing gas.
Vinnie, Rocco and Tony did a roaring business for about 45 minutes selling hundreds of balloons. They figured out a system the night before, and with the help of the hippie kid earlier in the evening they just became more efficient. They were so busy and moving so quickly they didn't realize what had begun to take place.
All of the sudden something happened, things began to seem a little weird. Tony, the one who got hit in the eye from the dosed spray bottle, all of the sudden seemed incapable of doing something as simple as turning a valve after putting a balloon on the nozzle.
Rocco noticed this and he began to feel like his clothes were too heavy, he was hot, sweating profusely and he couldn't feel his feet. Where did his feet go?
"Yo, Rocco. what's that?!! he asked with a twinge of fear in his voice. He turned, sure he saw something behind that orange tree which was swaying back and forth.
Vinnie began to freak out as this kid in front of him wouldn't stop talking.
He was handing Vinnie a 20 dollar bill. And said, about 20 times in a cartoon voice,
"But you don't understand, Mister, you gave me too much change, Mister, Don't you understand, Mister? Too much, you know what I mean, Too much change, Mister."
He handed Vinnie a 20 dollar bill. Vinnie peered at him his pupils filling his retinas as the 20 dollar bill began to melt in his hand. Vinnie was grooving on the swirling mass in his hand. When he was startled again.
"Aw man!!! the kid shouted. You did it again mister, you gave me too much change, Mister Tooo Much change. How you gonna make good business if you give me too much change, Mister?" Vinnie turned in horror as Rocco was lying on the ground howling in pain.
"I been shot, Someone fucking shot me!!" he was holding his back.
"You didn't get fucking shot, there was no gun.
Tony pulled his gun out and stared at it with the look of utmost fear in his voice. He happily handed the weapon over the to the stranger who beckon him to do so. There were about 4 dreadlocked kids swarming around making a big fuss. Asking Rocco if he was okay? Then they all started on Vinnie again. who was standing there staring through them with a fist full of cash and his pockets bulging. Some one tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hey mister, you gave him too much change. Mister? Mister?? Why do you keep giving him so much change?"
Vinnie was helpless. He heard his companion on the ground howl one more time as a glass marble silently cut through the air, launched from Doodlebug's nearby slingshot, it splintered the top of the howling man's knee cap.
"I've been shot again!!!" Vinnie looked around even though he didn't hear a gun. In the confusion one of the kids who was asking Rocco if he was okay reached down and discreetly took his gun. It seemed like Vinnie was unarmed.
Vinnie looked at Muskie who suddenly appeared before him.
"Help me ..." He squeaked.
Their van had already been ransacked. The three full nitorus tanks inside were stolen and already en route to the Shady Grove Campground, Five miles away.
Muskie took Vinnie by the arm, Rocco and Tony were also helped along. Rocco was limping and trying to take his clothes off. The kids ushered them into the cargo area of the van which conveniently had a metal cage separating the passenger compartment from the cargo area. After Muskie had relieved Vinnie of all of his cash. He stood at the back of the van. looking at the three men amidst the empty cylinders. A clean cut kid hopped into the driver's seat.
Muskie peered at the men, and simply said,
"I'm sorry I couldn't keep this from happening to you guys. Perhaps you'll think twice before you fuck with our scene next time. It was a pleasure doing business with you." He slammed the doors to the van shut.
The driver said, "We'll have you home in no time flat." Don't freak out too much. He turned on the music and White Rabbit began with Jack Casady's bass thumping away and Jorma's searing guitar lines filling their ears. The next tune soothed them a little bit as Frank Sinatra began crooning Come Fly With Me.
The van traversed the short distance between the amphitheater and the south end of Dana. Old Blue eyes was still crooning away as the driver quickly, parked the van in an intentionlly haphazard manner. He opened, the rear door and threw the bag with the weed and the guns in the cargo compartment. He hopped into the back seat of the car which had followed the van. The car containing the four tour kids then headed to the Shady Grove Campground where most of the tour kids were staying. Beer, food and camping were compliments of the three nitrous vendors that night. The three who were caught unawares as they encountered themselves in the parking lot of a PRY show that night.
Vinnie held onto the bag containing the guns and weed as he peered out the open door into the Dana night. The street lights had a purple glow. He felt more afraid than he ever had in his life. Rocco moaned in pain again as he removed the rest of his clothes. Then the cargo compartment filled with a beautiful flashing blue light ...
Sure you could say Vinnie, Rocco and Tony encountered themselves in the Lot in the whole psychedelic realm of interweaving segments of hallucination, paranoid thought and stark naked reality as the LSD sawed through them, dissolving their egos and priming their brains for some terrifying but honest self-examination.
In reality they did encounter themselves in the lot. Muskie and Doodlebug may be little shaggier, and lot more down to earth, than the gangsters the trio were used to dealing with. They sure were smarter than most of them. Tony saw the Wookies for who they were, but was shot down by Vinnie's inability to take a suggestion from a subordinate. After all, at the end of the day the hippies were the same ruthless criminals who took them down as the trio would have taken anyone who was a threat to their home turf in the south end of Dana. The drug induced psychological warfare may have been a little over the top, but they lived to tell about it, didn't they?
***********
Les finally woke up and joined his band mates and Gomer. The Shady Grove Campground emptied out as the tour kids headed to Muskrat Flats. The scene around the stage was buzzing with anticipation. The word was out that PRY was playing this free show. Gomer stood back stage with Lee, Fennel and Skimpy. They looked on as Les was engrossed in a conversation with a couple of Wookies. One of them handed Les an envelope. He hugged them both. Lee thought he saw one of them slip Les a package during the hug. Les ambled over to where the band stood. He handed Gomer the envelope.
"What's this?"
"It is a $1500 donation to the Blackstone Foundation."
"Seriously from them? Where did they get the money?" Gomer asked as he handed the envelope off to Coley Blackstone.
"Gomer, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. Let's hit it."
Les played the show relatively sober, trading licks with Gomer. They did a few Satans songs that they all knew. The crowd went wild. And right up front, as Gomer and Les hammered away at their basses was Sveltie watching his every move like a star struck groupie. From the stage Gomer could see the Hotel at the Farm Museum. He couldn't wait to meet her there, but for now, he had to rock out.
It is amazing what the brain can conjure up sometimes, whether you are drunk, stoned or tripping, there is always room for that one revelation, that one moment where everything make sense and your life will never be the same.
That moment has ruined some lives and has saved others. Les had his moment of clarity as he jammed with Gomer and Skimpy, Lee and Fennel. He wanted what they had. He wanted it more than anything and would do anything to get it ... even if it meant leaving the tour. He knew after the show, he was going to pack his bags and head for a destination of hope ... a chance to enjoy the wonderful life he had carved for himself. To truly enjoy it as he never had before.
Somewhere else in Muskrat Flats, Jerry Smith was wishing for the same thing, but he had not caught enough pain yet, he isn't quite done as he sat there alone in the dark with his best friend.
On the stage behind the Odd Fellows Hall at the corners of Petersen and McKernan Streets. Les knew. He knew he was done and his new life was about to begin as he prepared himself to be ...
Running Hard out of Muskrat Flats.
He rubbed his eyes, thankful for the 10 hours of sleep he had gotten the night before. He held the newspaper, a flimsy and thin document, a tabloid style rendering of the paper he had grown up reading. The very same paper which had been two dailies and a whopping 2 inch thick Sunday paper at the height of its publication. He remembered breaking his back as he delivered the Sunday Journal, so many years ago. He put down the paper and tousled his long wavy black hair.
He had been staring at the portrait of Hawthorne, fixated on the name in the lower right hand corner of the canvas, the artist and alleged infamous vampire, Jean Luc Lemay. His thoughts swirled. He thought of Miranda, he thought of his father, who used to write for this paper before he achieved national notoriety back in the 60s. He thought of Allie a long lost running buddy who appeared to still be lost. He thought of Sveltie, also known as Mrs. Jenny Smith, his friend Jerry's wife, with whom he just planned some post show intimacy. He heard his sponsor in his head admonishing him.
"I love you man, you know what I'm saying. You want to hear God laugh? Take back your will and make some plans. With plans come a set of expectations and when you have expectations you are always going to get let down. So go ahead, make those plans. and call me when you are so hurt you want to use."
"Fuck!" Gomer thought to himself. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, what am I doing?"
He once again picked up the paper and felt the thickness of its meager pages in his hands. Its size reminded him of one of the inserts he used to have to stuff inside of the Sunday Journal before he delivered them.
"Fucking paperboys have it so easy these days ..." he mused as his train of thought was interrupted by his dad.
"Reading Poor David's Almanac?" Gomer's confusion at the question registered in his face. Moe continued,
"David L'Etoile ... the Publisher of that rag. He is going to save $300,000 a year on newsprint going to that format, that is what Crazy Jerry in the press room told me." Moe quickly wiped his nose with a hanky.
"You can't even swat a fly with that shit, and all the typos, heh! Where's the editing? Headlines with spelling errors ... it's not the newspaper I worked for ... " He moaned before he spied someone familiar walking toward them.
"Hey... will you look at this, it's another rock star, How are you doing Lee?"
Gomer looked up as his good friend Burleigh Coggins, the lead guitar player for the band PRY, the band playing at the Memorial Day festivities that evening. Lee reached out to shake Moe's hand.
"I'm fine Mr. Eckstein. I read your last article in Mother Jones, it was great ..." He looked down as if he were wondering whether or not to finish the sentence, but Lee did.
"I'm so glad you are feeling better and looking healthy." Gomer smiled. He knew that Burliegh felt that if anyone in the room were a rock star, it was his father, Moe. Burleigh revered Moe's status as the writer who in Lee's opinion was the voice of an entire generation.
Moe turned as he greeted Fennel Santori, the drummer in PRY.
"Well ... Hello, my dear." Moe bent down to kiss Fennel on the cheek. He ran his fingers through her bundle of blond and purple dreadlocks. "Oh, you kids with your crazy hair ... it works for me, Fennel," Moe said with a wink. Fennel squeezed Moe tighter and said,
"Moe, if my wife ever leaves me, I promise I will marry you." He snorted a quick laugh, giving her dreads a playful tug.
"Who said anything about getting married?" They all chuckled. The rest of the folks in the room turned to see why the volume in the corner of the Banquet room at the Odd Fellows hall, suddenly increased.
Donnie and Paul having graduated to status of official kitchen workers felt it was their duty to keep the new dishwashers Joe and Corey in check as they were obviously star struck by the appearance of Lee, Fennel and the guy who was now walking through the door, the keyboard player for PRY Skimpy Cooper. He looked and waved as Corey shouted out "Hey Skimp!" and twirled his fingers in the air as if he were playing a keyboard.
By now, Gomer was standing. Skimpy shook Moe's hand and smiled. He looked great.
He hugged Gomer and whispered in his ear,
"How are you doing, my brother? Hanging?"
"I was hanging one day last summer, fortunately the tree limb broke." They all laughed. Lee and Skimpy high fived each other as they recalled the blog Gomer had written about the botched reenactment of Sherrif Hawthorne's hanging at last year's Fall Festival. Moe excused himself.
The four musicians sat down at the table and began catching up.
"Where is Les? Gomer asked inquiring about their bass player.
Lee looked over at Skimpy and then to Fennel. Gomer felt the tension and regretted asking the question.
"Les is still sleeping. He has been having a rough time lately," Fennel offered.
"He has been talking about going to detox the last couple of days but he feels like he needs to finish the tour, we're on the road for another two months." Lee said.
"What is he into?" Gomer asked knowing that booze would be the first answer.
"Oxys, which he is washing down with booze." Fennel said.
Gomer stared off processing the information. Skimpy shook his head. "I love the guy. I want to help him but He has to make his own decision."
Skimpy was thinking about when he had checked out and forced the band to take a hiatus. All the while he thought Les really resented him for that. Skimpy finally knocked on Les' door one day after a year long sojourn where he anonymously hitchhiked and walked across the country. Taking odd jobs as a means of supporting his new lifestyle, focusing on his recovery.
The day Skimpy knocked on Les' door. He opened it and simply stared at Skimpy for about 20 seconds before he began to weep, hugging his band mate and telling him how grateful he was to see him alive. Les had always been the anchor, the unwavering foundation of the band. Now his life was in jeopardy.
Gomer fidgeted a little. Fennel reached out and held his hand. "
If Les decides to go and we hope he does, I'm afraid he'll kill himself... will you play the rest of the tour?"
Gomer was shocked by the offer. Lee leaned in, "We finish up with a week long run in San Francisco ..." he wheedled.
Skimpy chimed in, "We've talked about it, Les wants you to be the guy."
"Wow," Gomer thought. He had to think hard about this. Lee and Fennel, he knew they still smoked pot, but Skimpy he was solidly in recovery as well as a couple of members of their crew. He was still reeling from the temptations of his last tour. And the kids on PRY tour, well they were hard core. His interaction with the tour kids, was probably Les' downfall as he always had a strong connection to what was going on in the parking lot outside their shows.
This connection was where Gomer had fucked up in the past, a door which he had closed but felt straining to open the last couple of days before he had met up with Miranda. Oh, Miranda ... the fact that they would finish in San Francisco definitely made their offer most appealing.
"What do you think?" Lee asked.
"I think about the tour kids, you know people places and things. But that's what they talk about as far as life on life's terms."
"Yes they do, I hear you loud and clear brother." Skimpy offered.
Lee and Fennel kind of looked at each other. They both realized that this arrangement with Gomer could change the dynamic of the band, the power structure. They had always been the ones who could drink and use safely. In fact they had slowed down considerably leading relatively sober lives, partially out of respect for Skimpy's situation and partially because it seemed like the thing to do, they weren't getting any younger.
Fennel cut out all of the pills and booze, Lee never really drank to begin with and was somewhat traumatized by Skimpy's drug use as he tried to get a glimpse into his world by experimenting with Skimpy on occasion only to feel like he was on the verge of death, one time seeking medical intervention as Skimpy just laughed and told him to calm down ... he would "be all right in a few minutes."
But Lee and Fennel still used. They had always been the sane ones, the ones who had their feet planted firmly on the ground. They had fought tooth and nail with Skimpy when he was all fucked up. They argued, they issued ultimatums and threats. They begged and pleaded for him to stop using dope. He cleaned up for a while and then relapsed while on tour. Nodding out on stage, constantly being late because he was out copping or just laying in the dressing room in an heroin stupor. At the time, Skimpy resented them for that and didn't want to do the same thing to Les, instead calmly and discreetly trying to carry a positive message to his sick and suffering band mate.
Lee and Fennel weren't prepared for the change they saw in Skimpy when he came back from his hiatus. They liked it. He brought a new and fresh energy to the band. as well as a new language with his lyrics, some of which Lee considered "preachy." Now they were inviting someone who had the same experience as Skimpy, a recovering heroin addict, into the band. Someone who spoke the same language as he, a language which was both welcome, although unsettling and foreign at the same time. It was a language they feared they may not understand in the long run.
Fennel said, "Look, you don't have to answer right now. Let's just have fun tonight." they all agreed.
The show was supposed to be a surprise show. the band on the bill was called "Odorono" The oft forgotten if not willingly suppressed name of Fennel and Lee's high school garage band. they played a total of two gigs. Before there were personnel changes and their college careers sent them, in opposite geographical directions.
"Check this out," Fennel said as she handed Gomer a copy of the newspaper. "I know Morbid Morty says any press is good press, but this is an extreme example of the kind of shit we have had to deal with.
Gomer looked at the article. It was the police blotter from the previous day's Journal.
Three Men Face Charges
Dana - Three unidentified men were taken into protective custody early Friday morning in the south end of Dana. Officers Clay Hutchison and Donna Falco were on routine patrol when they noticed a white rented van parked facing the wrong direction across the center line on Loring Street.
Upon further investigation, the officers found three Dana residents all of whom were disoriented and incoherent appearing to be under the influence of drugs. One of the suspects was naked. A search of the van turned up two 9 MM pistols, five empty nitrous oxide cylinders and a small amount of marijuana. Evidence indicates that the three men had attended a performance at the Lakeside Pavilion where the jam band PRY had just played the second night of a three night run. The men were transported by ambulance the St. Alphonso's hospital where they were sedated. One was treated for blunt for trauma to the lower back and left knee cap. Detectives indicated that criminal charges are pending.
Dana - Three unidentified men were taken into protective custody early Friday morning in the south end of Dana. Officers Clay Hutchison and Donna Falco were on routine patrol when they noticed a white rented van parked facing the wrong direction across the center line on Loring Street.
Upon further investigation, the officers found three Dana residents all of whom were disoriented and incoherent appearing to be under the influence of drugs. One of the suspects was naked. A search of the van turned up two 9 MM pistols, five empty nitrous oxide cylinders and a small amount of marijuana. Evidence indicates that the three men had attended a performance at the Lakeside Pavilion where the jam band PRY had just played the second night of a three night run. The men were transported by ambulance the St. Alphonso's hospital where they were sedated. One was treated for blunt for trauma to the lower back and left knee cap. Detectives indicated that criminal charges are pending.
Gomer finished the article and looked at his three companions.
"What the Fuck? Guns, Five tanks of Nitrous? What's that all about?"
"We have had a big problem with the gas after the shows, lately. It seems to be that organized crime figures are targeting the audience. " Lee said. "The first night at Lakeside the scene was totally disgusting. One of the tour kids said it was these shady characters who were all guidoed out with black track suits and slicked back hair. Beyond that we really don't know how this happened?"
"If it happened in the Lot, I'm sure Les will tell us when he finds out." Skimpy said.
*********
The scene after the first show at the lakeside Pavilion was like any other night. The crowd was stumbling around, bouncing off of each other. Hot and sweaty ecstatic concert goers basking in the after show glow. They were drunk, high, tripping, some of them were even completely clean and sober and still had the same goofy smiles on their faces.
Everywhere inter-lot commerce was happening and business was brisk. Whether it was the basics of food and liquid refreshment, or other itrems such as clothing, memoribila, glass pipes or other eye candy such as hand formed glass jewelry and marbles. And yes, there were drugs being sold. It was all discreet, for the most part.
One of the tour kids, a "wookie" named Doodlebug was standing there with his open glass case. He was wearing some patchwork shorts with a couple of large cargo style pockets. Out of one of the pockets protruded and aluminum slingshot. He had long blond dreadlocks, a shaggy beard and regardless of the night, he was wearing a pair of dark shades. He was also wearing a t-shirt that said "Hippie Mafia."
Across Shakedown St., he heard the constant roar and hiss of opening and closing tanks of laughing gas, their contents being pumped into large punching bag ballons and being sold for 5 dollars each. He didn't see any cops around. He handed his glass case to his twenty something companion, Star, who was similarly dressed. She surveyed the situation and saw who was selling all of the gas.
"What the fuck, dude?" She queried to her boyfriend. "That's totally fucked up."
He was on his phone texting.
"Dude, I'm on shake near the second lot, check out these gassholes."
The response came instantly, from a wookie named Muskie.
"I c them"
A few seconds later, Muskie showed up and hugged his companion.
Doodlebug was irate,
"Dude, what the fuck? This is not good. It's bad enough when one of us does this but these fuckin' idiots bring some seriously bad vibes to the scene. Plus they are taking money out of the scene away from the kids who need it. The fuckin' custies don't give a shit either."
"Comon now, Doodle dude ... how much money did you make schwinging Molly tonight? Muskie queried in a low but reassuring tone. "I can't begrudge them for trying to make some cash, But I don't like it either, too high profile they'll bring the heat down on all of us. There's nothing we can do about it now."
He looked around at the scene. Everywhere there were balloons. Kids were lying on the ground. passed out, some convulsing. He saw one girl with a gash on her head where it hit the hood of a parked car. He looked around at the other tour kids struggling to sell the drinks, food and hand crafted items. All of the stuff that brings good vibes.
"Nope, Doodle I don't like it, it's too much." Just then a kid walked by bitching to his friend. Muskie overheard what he was saying.
"So fucking Tony Soprano over there had a handful of cash and he said I had to get two balloons cuz he didn't have time to make change for a $10."
"What a fucking cock. Someone should do something about that."
Muskie looked at Doodle. Doodle shook his head and spat on the ground and said,
"It's fucked up, dude."
"I know," Muskie responded, "I know ... They'll be here tomorrow, keep your eyes open. I think we can persuade them to, at the very least, give us an ... honorarium."
"Damn right, dude."Doodlebug began to laugh raising his hand in the air, they slapped each other's hands and shook. They hugged again. This time a bundle of cash went from Doodle's hand into Muskie's. With the other hand he delivered a package into Doodle's hand.
The next day as the pre-show marketplace began to unfold, two wookies noticed the white van pull into the lot. They texted Muskie who was there within minutes. Some of the other kids who had been there the night before noticed as well. Those wanting some of that sweet air began to gravitate in that direction.
The three gangsters were sitting in folding chairs outside the van, one was reading a newspaper. The other two were drinking and checking out the women walking by, when a kid rolled up.
"Hey man, you got any gas?" the one reading the paper, Vinnie, looked at the other two.
"Yo Rocco, Tone ...You believe this fucking guy? Does it look like we have any gas? You dumb hippie fuck? Get the fuck outta here, come back later." The kid scowled and slunk away cursing under his breath.
A number of other curious concert goers who remembered the trio from the night before got the same treatment. Each leaving pissed off. It was worse with some of the young women who approached them as they were turned away with ribald misogynist taunts included for good measure. The gassholes were not making any friends in the lot. All around them was a wonderful party. People playing music, dancing, getting revved up for the show and their presence was just a downer.
Vinnie got up and barked at his cohorts.
"Let's open it up for a few minutes." They began filling balloons at kids quickly ran over, some against their better judgment. After about 20 minutes they shut it down. They went back to reading the paper and basically doing nothing as most of the crowd headed toward the entrance to the amphitheater.
Vinnie looked up and saw a tall lanky dreadlocked kid with a beard wearing Ray Bans.
He said to the others, "Who the fuck is this guy?'
"My name is Muskie. Who are you? "
Vinnie, the big guy reading the paper, did all the talking. The other two just grunted and looked imposing.
"I'll tell you the same thing I've been telling the rest of you for the last 10 minutes. Store's closed, get the fuck outta here, come back after the show."
"My aren't we polite. You treat all of your customers like that?"
Vinnie did a double take. and scowled at Muskie.
"I don't want your gas. I'm here to talk business. You guys seem pretty vulnerable, out of your element, I'm here to offer you some protection. You pissed a lot of people off last night, and even more today."
"What the fuck?" One of the goons in the back blurted and lurched forward. Vinnie, raised his hand.
"Tony, stop!"
The guy in the back stopped in his tracks. Smoothed down his slicked back hair and primped his track suit. Vinnie started laughing.
"Protection, YOU are offering me protection? Are you fuckin' serious? Protection from who?"
"It would be a shame if you guys sold the contents of all of those tanks and your money disappeared before you got out of the parking lot." The three looked at each other and began to laugh. One of them leaned forward opening his track jacket slightly, briefly exposing a gun.
"I don't think that's gonna fuckin' happen kid, now get the fuck outta here."
"Oh, it will happen, trust me. You keep pissing people off and cause a big scene, you are sitting ducks, I'm not threatening you, I'm just pointing out what can happen if you don't work with me on this." One of the three was eye-balling him suspiciously. He looked around and saw at least five or six dreadies on the periphery intently watching the conversation.
"Yo, Vinnie, I think he's serious." He began to whisper. "Look around Boss, we're outnumbered.
"Ohhh," he exclaimed as he turned to his companion and slapped him on the shoulder. "Shut the fuck up! Of course he's fucking serious dumb ass, but you think he can REALLY do anything about it?"
"You should listen to your partner. What did you have last night 5- 6 tanks? (They had 10) I figure with breakage you probably averaged about 1000 bucks per tank? Give me $1500 and shut down for a few minutes every 10 minutes or so. What you can do is get the tanks away from the van ... set up in those trees over there have a couple of tanks going at the same time. That way if the cops move in you just leave the tanks, take the money and run. You do that and we have a deal. I suggest you accept my offer, after all you are doing business in MY neighborhood."
He tipped his sunglasses down and made eye contact with Vinnie as he said,
" You understand?"
The three looked at each other. Vinnie looked at Muskie and sized him up for a minute before he began to laugh and yelled,
"FUCK YOU!"
Muskie smiled and said, "If you change your mind, ask any of the kids selling food over there for me, they know how to find me. "
He walked away, shaking his head, as he heard once again,
"Fuck you , you believe this fuckin' guy?"
The trio did however take Muskie's's suggestion of moving the tanks into the trees.
Later in the evening the kids who didn't get into the show or chose not to go in, were milling about. Listening to music, dancing, drinking. It was about 10 o'clock. They heard the whining roar of a freshly tapped tank of nitrous. Gopher and his brothers in the lot watched for a few minutes. They had two tanks going.
The three nitrous vendors were chattering at each other. Vinnie was collecting the money and the other two were filling the balloons.
Muskie handed his girl a $50 bill which he'd just dosed with liquid LSD
"You know what to do? You, Amanda, have the bottle that is dosed, be careful don't spray anyone else or your self it is strong. "
She walked over with three of her friends. She patiently waited a minute. She handed the big guy the fifty. He really didn't notice that the bill was wet. Nor did he notice the girl was wearing rubber gloves. She asked for three balloons. He put the fifty in his pocket. He withdrew his hand from the pocket, instinctively licked his moistened thumb before he peeled off a couple of bills for change. Rocco and Tony were were in the dense trees, sweating in warm May evening. Two of the girls were giggling and bouncing around. One produced a squirt bottle and started spraying her companion with water.
"oh, that feels good, Amanda said. She produced another and said,
"You guys look hot." She took aim and squirted two blasts of the psychedelic solution in the face of each of the guys on the tanks.
"What the fuck? Knock that shit off, get the fuck outta here." Tony wiped his face. He took a direct hit to the eye, Rocco was wiping the liquid off of his upper lip and mouth. The girls scurried letting the balloons deflate and getting rid of the rubber gloves they were all wearing as the LSD began working its way into the narrow and feeble brains of the mobbed up nitrous vendors.
The show got out about about 45 minutes later. Shakedown St. filled up again with the stumbling smiling masses. And a good chunk of them wanted some laughing gas.
Vinnie, Rocco and Tony did a roaring business for about 45 minutes selling hundreds of balloons. They figured out a system the night before, and with the help of the hippie kid earlier in the evening they just became more efficient. They were so busy and moving so quickly they didn't realize what had begun to take place.
All of the sudden something happened, things began to seem a little weird. Tony, the one who got hit in the eye from the dosed spray bottle, all of the sudden seemed incapable of doing something as simple as turning a valve after putting a balloon on the nozzle.
Rocco noticed this and he began to feel like his clothes were too heavy, he was hot, sweating profusely and he couldn't feel his feet. Where did his feet go?
"Yo, Rocco. what's that?!! he asked with a twinge of fear in his voice. He turned, sure he saw something behind that orange tree which was swaying back and forth.
Vinnie began to freak out as this kid in front of him wouldn't stop talking.
He was handing Vinnie a 20 dollar bill. And said, about 20 times in a cartoon voice,
"But you don't understand, Mister, you gave me too much change, Mister, Don't you understand, Mister? Too much, you know what I mean, Too much change, Mister."
He handed Vinnie a 20 dollar bill. Vinnie peered at him his pupils filling his retinas as the 20 dollar bill began to melt in his hand. Vinnie was grooving on the swirling mass in his hand. When he was startled again.
"Aw man!!! the kid shouted. You did it again mister, you gave me too much change, Mister Tooo Much change. How you gonna make good business if you give me too much change, Mister?" Vinnie turned in horror as Rocco was lying on the ground howling in pain.
"I been shot, Someone fucking shot me!!" he was holding his back.
"You didn't get fucking shot, there was no gun.
Tony pulled his gun out and stared at it with the look of utmost fear in his voice. He happily handed the weapon over the to the stranger who beckon him to do so. There were about 4 dreadlocked kids swarming around making a big fuss. Asking Rocco if he was okay? Then they all started on Vinnie again. who was standing there staring through them with a fist full of cash and his pockets bulging. Some one tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hey mister, you gave him too much change. Mister? Mister?? Why do you keep giving him so much change?"
Vinnie was helpless. He heard his companion on the ground howl one more time as a glass marble silently cut through the air, launched from Doodlebug's nearby slingshot, it splintered the top of the howling man's knee cap.
"I've been shot again!!!" Vinnie looked around even though he didn't hear a gun. In the confusion one of the kids who was asking Rocco if he was okay reached down and discreetly took his gun. It seemed like Vinnie was unarmed.
Vinnie looked at Muskie who suddenly appeared before him.
"Help me ..." He squeaked.
Their van had already been ransacked. The three full nitorus tanks inside were stolen and already en route to the Shady Grove Campground, Five miles away.
Muskie took Vinnie by the arm, Rocco and Tony were also helped along. Rocco was limping and trying to take his clothes off. The kids ushered them into the cargo area of the van which conveniently had a metal cage separating the passenger compartment from the cargo area. After Muskie had relieved Vinnie of all of his cash. He stood at the back of the van. looking at the three men amidst the empty cylinders. A clean cut kid hopped into the driver's seat.
Muskie peered at the men, and simply said,
"I'm sorry I couldn't keep this from happening to you guys. Perhaps you'll think twice before you fuck with our scene next time. It was a pleasure doing business with you." He slammed the doors to the van shut.
The driver said, "We'll have you home in no time flat." Don't freak out too much. He turned on the music and White Rabbit began with Jack Casady's bass thumping away and Jorma's searing guitar lines filling their ears. The next tune soothed them a little bit as Frank Sinatra began crooning Come Fly With Me.
The van traversed the short distance between the amphitheater and the south end of Dana. Old Blue eyes was still crooning away as the driver quickly, parked the van in an intentionlly haphazard manner. He opened, the rear door and threw the bag with the weed and the guns in the cargo compartment. He hopped into the back seat of the car which had followed the van. The car containing the four tour kids then headed to the Shady Grove Campground where most of the tour kids were staying. Beer, food and camping were compliments of the three nitrous vendors that night. The three who were caught unawares as they encountered themselves in the parking lot of a PRY show that night.
Vinnie held onto the bag containing the guns and weed as he peered out the open door into the Dana night. The street lights had a purple glow. He felt more afraid than he ever had in his life. Rocco moaned in pain again as he removed the rest of his clothes. Then the cargo compartment filled with a beautiful flashing blue light ...
Sure you could say Vinnie, Rocco and Tony encountered themselves in the Lot in the whole psychedelic realm of interweaving segments of hallucination, paranoid thought and stark naked reality as the LSD sawed through them, dissolving their egos and priming their brains for some terrifying but honest self-examination.
In reality they did encounter themselves in the lot. Muskie and Doodlebug may be little shaggier, and lot more down to earth, than the gangsters the trio were used to dealing with. They sure were smarter than most of them. Tony saw the Wookies for who they were, but was shot down by Vinnie's inability to take a suggestion from a subordinate. After all, at the end of the day the hippies were the same ruthless criminals who took them down as the trio would have taken anyone who was a threat to their home turf in the south end of Dana. The drug induced psychological warfare may have been a little over the top, but they lived to tell about it, didn't they?
***********
Les finally woke up and joined his band mates and Gomer. The Shady Grove Campground emptied out as the tour kids headed to Muskrat Flats. The scene around the stage was buzzing with anticipation. The word was out that PRY was playing this free show. Gomer stood back stage with Lee, Fennel and Skimpy. They looked on as Les was engrossed in a conversation with a couple of Wookies. One of them handed Les an envelope. He hugged them both. Lee thought he saw one of them slip Les a package during the hug. Les ambled over to where the band stood. He handed Gomer the envelope.
"What's this?"
"It is a $1500 donation to the Blackstone Foundation."
"Seriously from them? Where did they get the money?" Gomer asked as he handed the envelope off to Coley Blackstone.
"Gomer, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. Let's hit it."
Les played the show relatively sober, trading licks with Gomer. They did a few Satans songs that they all knew. The crowd went wild. And right up front, as Gomer and Les hammered away at their basses was Sveltie watching his every move like a star struck groupie. From the stage Gomer could see the Hotel at the Farm Museum. He couldn't wait to meet her there, but for now, he had to rock out.
It is amazing what the brain can conjure up sometimes, whether you are drunk, stoned or tripping, there is always room for that one revelation, that one moment where everything make sense and your life will never be the same.
That moment has ruined some lives and has saved others. Les had his moment of clarity as he jammed with Gomer and Skimpy, Lee and Fennel. He wanted what they had. He wanted it more than anything and would do anything to get it ... even if it meant leaving the tour. He knew after the show, he was going to pack his bags and head for a destination of hope ... a chance to enjoy the wonderful life he had carved for himself. To truly enjoy it as he never had before.
Somewhere else in Muskrat Flats, Jerry Smith was wishing for the same thing, but he had not caught enough pain yet, he isn't quite done as he sat there alone in the dark with his best friend.
On the stage behind the Odd Fellows Hall at the corners of Petersen and McKernan Streets. Les knew. He knew he was done and his new life was about to begin as he prepared himself to be ...
Running Hard out of Muskrat Flats.
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